what should I do?

[I-say]

My partner has relocated for work. I have been with him for 3 yrs 8 months. So he now lives over 100 miles away. When he took the job (with a high profile company) he never discussed how it would affect us. He just uped and went.

I still see him (when convenient to him) and at the weekend I asked him how he was planning our future, what with him working away all the time, and he couldnt answer.

We spoke on phone tonight, and asked him the same question, but he said, he couldnt think straight. That he had work to think about. I said, does our relationship mean anything, and he just said, Oh, I am tired.

We are both in our 40's and I feel I am hanging on to this relationship, but all he cares about is it his BIG new work status. And plans nothing for the future with me.

I am angry/hurt. Any advice really appreciated.

[CrazyDaisy80]

Whilst I am not trying to be horrible or nasty here, you have to ask yourself how much he cares about you and the Relationship if he is willing to just up and leave without so much as a discussion. Whilst he may not have stayed if you'd have discussed it, perhaps it would have made you see why he was going to the Job. I think perhaps that he is living his Life without so much as a thought for how it is affecting yours and perhaps you should follow his lead. It sounds as if he has moved on and not taken you with him, so why now would you want to go with him??

My Advice therefore would be make a break from him, live your Life to the full and show him that he may have left for a great Job but you are still also great but all that messing around made you realise that the only great thing about him was afforementioned Job.

Oh and keep smiling!!

[Catso]

I agree with Daisy. He's a self-centred git. Apparently taking you for granted - when he even bothers to think of you.

I wouldn't even change jobs locally without discussing it with my partner. And if she really, really didn't want me to, I don't think I'd do it. Being together is about thinking of and caring for each other's well-being.

Tell him what you really think, and let him know if he doesn't show some concern, committment and care PDQ, he's out of your life.

Don't waste your life waiting for him, go out and live your life.

[PinkFizz]

Totally agree with the previous posts.If he cared the slightest for you he would have discussd the job with you,asked how you felt about it,and even probably suggested you went with him but is seems that he hasn't done any of that.
All he appears to want is convenient sex at the weekends.I would tell him that YOU need a break and get back out there with friends and have fun,and meet a man that appreciates you.

[Octavius]

I partly agree with the posts above, although not knowing great detail about your particular relationship and man doesn't qualify us to call him a git. Although he may well be. Some people are just career animals, is he one of those, has he always been? Usually these people have little room for anything else in their lives, even love. Has the move changed his personality? Is the new job giving him stress so that he can't concentrate on anything else? It may even be affecting his health and his life generally being in a new area with new people and away from you. Perhaps he is missing you more than he realised, or the job isn't all it is cracked up to be and doesn't want to admit it? Maybe deep down he just really wants to come back to the life he had previously but is too proud to do so. There is a lot to consider, but foremost, you need to think about you. You are not happy ergo, you need answers.

Long-distance love is difficult and dependent on three things: communication, trust and, most important, the ability to be honest about your own feelings. The communication part is where you go over the details about what each of you wants and needs to keep this love alive. Now is the time to let each other know just how seriously you're taking this relationship.

...pause....

[Octavius]

----cont'd-----

Some key questions to ask (ideally before moving) but relevant anyway:
Are we seeing each other exclusively, or can we date others?
How will we keep in touch?
Do we have enough money to finance visits?
What is the ultimate goal of this relationship?
How long are we giving the long-distance thing before one of us has to relocate?
And which one would it be?

Then the trust issue: Will your boyfriend honour the promises you've made to each other? If your partner has given you cause in the past to suspect cheating, then the distance will not be kind to your peace of mind.

And be brutally honest with yourself. To make a go of it, there has to be serious commitment on both sides. Are you in love, just "in like" or merely maintaining the relationship as a security blanket? Will not having regular physical contact become an issue?

Once you've gone through the consideration process, if you are both still willing to stick with this relationship, go for it. Finding, and keeping, true love is worth the hard work.

[janeo]

I think you shoudl drop him NOW (he probably won't even notice!) and find someone less selfish.

[I-say]

Thank you Daisy, Catso, Pinkfizz Octavius and janeo for your replies. I have not contacted him today, waiting for him to make contact first I guess.

He hasn't.

Octavius...yes he is a career animal. Puts all his efforts into work. And very little when it comes to relationships.

Its been a very stressful time for me. But with him finding it impossible to say, that he saw a future with me. Has made me realise, what a doormat, I have been for such a long time. Sad.