My girlfriend cuts herself, what should I do?

[Shadow666777]

Well my girlfriend cuts herself, I really don't blame her for it because she has a pretty tough life (her mom is dying and her brother threatened her with a knife). But every time I hear about her cutting herself, it makes me so depressed. I love her and it hurts me to know that she does this. I've told her I don't like it when she does it, but she still doesn't stop, she even does it while she's on the phone with me.

I have a friend who is dating a girl that cuts, and it made him so depressed he got to the point of cutting himself. I dont' want to start that again, and I'm already getting the urge to do it....so I've told my girlfriend I'm thinking about breaking up with her.

I'm supposed to call her as soon as I know for sure what I"m going to do, but it's a really hard decision for me to make on my own, and none of my friends are on myspace....
....
... so can somebody please give me some advice?

[4getmenot]

she needs to get help, if you really care about her you wouldnt break up with her without trying to help her first. Ask her if she would be willing to go to counselling. Can I ask why do you think she does it, what was so bad in her life?

[bravejordy]

The following website might be a step in the right direction:

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/

[SRH]

Hey Shadow, you - and your girlfriend - are certainly not alone. I used to do it when I was a teenager - it felt like I was regaining control when I felt depressed. Thankfully, I stopped doing it, so it isn't something she - or you - have to live with. She's obviously having a tough time at the moment and cutting herself is her way of trying to deal with it. It would be worth her seeing her GP - the underlying stress and depression could be helped by her seeing a counsellor - talking to someone not involved in the situation can sometimes be easier.

Ha look at this site - it's reallly helpful:

http://www.selfharm.org.uk/default.aspa

Hope it all works out okay, she's very lucky that you are so concerned about her.

[Eve]

She needs to take the control back and focus her frustrations and reactions in a different way which doesn't end up in her hurting herself.

Essentially she needs to realise that she is important and even though it may make her feel good at the time she's actually hurting herself and needs to redirect her energy into looking after herself in a way that doesn't involve harming.

If she has a lot of pent up frustration maybe she could try other less harmful ways of offloading it and controlling and focussing her emotions such as running or other ways of working out (like boxercise) or punching a punchbag to relaxation techniques like tai chi or yoga.

It may not be possibel for her to stop straightaway, little by little can help her control her urges gradually and make it easier to stop the habit/addiction.

Diversion and distraction could help to something which feels good instead and isn't harmful like pampering herself or doing something she enjoys.

Maybe help her find something she enjoys like art stuff or photography or sport or charity or voluntary work, there is so much out there. Things which get her out of the house may help at first.

[SRH]

You've summed it up perfectly Jenna! Couldn't get my brain working that well on a Friday! But you've said just what I was thinking.

[Octavius]

Have a look at this brochure. I would urge you to contact one of the phone numbers on the end pages and speak to someone who can advise you peronally and help you through this. Only when you are feeling right can you help someone else.

There are so many people willing to listen, help and advise, so please take advantage of their willingness and generosity.

http://www.mind.org.uk/NR/rdonlyres/0F7D74F2-F F23-4E11-A8E1-D544BB09B946/0/Understandingself harm2007.pdf

[shomer42]

You need to talk to her first and persuade her to stop, if she doesn't you need to be brave and get her to seek help. I worked with someone that did this, it was awful. Be strong and supportive.

[Shadow666777]

Well, there is actually a little more to it that complicates it even more. I only recently stopped cutting, and the only reason that I did was because she agreed to stop if i would, but she still didn't. I got depressed last night over that, and I started to cut myself.

Know I feel like a real hypocrit for trying to make her stop, even though she doesn't want to, and I do it too. She is already in therapy, and she says it helps, but she still doesn't want to quit.