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ChatterBank1 min ago
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For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.when u say he was under the doctor until recently was that for a reason? did they find any problems at the time?? could it be ADHD or whatever it is called?
If it is any help i have a friend with a 4 year old that is a lovely lad and is ok around single kids but when in groups with other kids at playschool suddenly resorts to punching, strangling and pinching other kids and cant explain why he is doing it. he is now under a psychologist but they are so slow they reckon it could take them until he is 6 before they will fully work out what might be causing his problems.
Another best friend had the same problem with their 2 year old and it has taken 3 years for them to find out it is an additive problem and the whole cause was 2 things "Wotsits and Smarties" which he was having most days, and within 4 days of stopping eating them he changed completely!! now he is much calmer and like the average child! now for over a year!
Something will be causing it and i hope that someone can find the source of it so that u know how to tackle it.
He has been known to lash out at us occasionally. I read the report from his school when I got home last night, and there seemed to be an incident every hour or so, including spitting in a classmates face. When we ask him why he does it, he can't explain why he does these things and blames it on his Brain!!! I genuinely believe him. I think he gets bored quickly and can�t sit still for long. He has promised me that from today he will be good, but we�ve heard it all before. From tonight we are going to try him on Cod Liver pills to see if it helps him calm down and concentrate.
In answer to twiglets theory, he is not allowed sweets, and his meals consist of additive free ingredients. I am a bit of a chef, and the food served to him every night is wholesome, including vegetables, followed by a fresh fruit salad.
Another theory we came up with last night was my wife�s real father was a nasty piece of work who used to inflict pain on her mother (stubbing ciggies out on her, etc), so maybe it's in the Gene's.
God I hope not.
Thanks libertie. His bad behaviour is sporadic. He can't hate his teacher as she's a nice old lady who does everything calmly and quietly. We don't have any trouble getting him to school in the mornings, so I don't think he hates it.
I'm beginning to think the only thing that will sort him out is for one of his classmates to punch him on the nose. I remember when someone did that to me as a kid and it put me right in my place (not that I was as bad as he has been).
Is he an only/eldest child? If he is the focus of attention at home maybe it is hard for him to be one of a large group.
I think, like you said, the reaction of the other children is important - maybe he has adopted it as a way of dominating them. Perhaps he finds the quiet old lady frustrating and wants a stronger more boisterous personality as an opponant.
As to knowing why he does it - he is young to be able to analyse himself and then articulate any insight he has. Children tend to have concrete reasons/excuses (eg he pinched my crayon etc) for smacking another child; if he isn't giving these reasons, maybe it is a subconscious impulse that can be addressed with behavioural therapy. I'd want to steer clear of drug therapy too...
"stronger more boisterous personality as an opponent."
You may have a point there Hendrix. I am very firm but fair with him, and he knows not to give me any back chat. He is our only child, and as a result is showered with love by all his relatives. Maybe he thinks the world revolves around him too much.
Hi there,
I am coming ia bit late on this,because I wanted to see what others thought.
Aline in your post worries me "the love he gets from his family is immeasureable"
Do you think that he thinks that everyone does (and will) go on loving him regardless of what he does,or how he treats them. Is it possible you have "overprotected" him from anything nasty,and so he does not really know the difference?
Just a point.
Thanks for your answers everyone. The varying suggestions just go to prove one thing: there is no simple answer. It also goes to show that being a parent ain't easy, and anyone who says it is, hasn't had children!
Anyway. The report from school yesterday was a lot better after our little 'talk'. We are hoping this will continue.
dyslexia can produce massive frustration for children at that age - as it seems that everyone has worked out the solution to a puzzle that the child can't even comprehend. If he isn't progressing in this studies as well as you might reasonably expect maybe you could discuss this with his teachers - or better yet consider getting specialist tution for him. good luck for the future
Thanks for that undercovers, but we established a long time ago that he has no trouble reading. He read me a book last night so fluently that I would say he is above average. His maths is also very good and his writing is coming along nicely.
He is just very boisterous with other children to the point of hurting them. As I said earlier, I think this would change if another child lamped him one.
are you sure that he's not being bullied or has any reason to be troubled or stressed?
i'm less likely to suggest ADD (or whatever they're calling it nowadays); it's funny they didnt have that in our generation.
he may have a lot of energy and doesnt have a particular outlet - what about a hobby or something? something physical like karate is good, as it also teaches respect for other people as well. Or something more mentally challenging that he can get lost in like reading, puzzles, plane-making - something he can be passionate about.
We have thought about Karate, as it not only teaches kids how to defend themselves, it also teaches discipline. But we are worried it could work the other way and make him even more of a bully! He leads an active life; he attends football training after school every week, and also Beavers every Tuesday, but he even gets into trouble there for bullying.
You're damned if you do...etc.
At the risk of inviting the wrath of the liberal ABers down on me, I am in favour of smacking.
First off I would like to say that I am in my 20s and a fairly liberal type of bloke, not your average old-time hang-em, flog-em, 'it never did me any harm' sort of person.
However, I remember once when I was not much younger than your son hitting a younger boy who was staying at my house causing him to cry. I can't remember the reason why, if there even was one. I don't even think I knew what I was doing was wrong.
My mother then smacked me, not hard, across the back of my legs. While it did cause me to cry it was more for the humiliation because it was in front of the other boy than anything else.
My mother then explained to me that the reason she ahd punished me was because I had picked on someone younger than myself, so she had picked on me.
While I didn't necessarily know what I was doing was wrong when I hit the younger boy the lesson my mother had taught me stayed with and I still remember the incident vividly today.
I won't pretend it was the last time my mother smacked me, but I don't believe I ever bullied anyone ever again.