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drugs please help
My partner takes drugs for what he calls sexual enhancement. Namely speed/cocaine, i have 2 children under 4. Iwork evenings and he has tthem while i am at work. He is on a high most evenings, i have asked him to stop. but he says he is not an addict as such he takes them purely to enhance our sex life. i have thought about telling the police, but then i risk losing him he is the father of my litlle girls and i love him ,have been together for 6 years. He is a responsible guy generally, and is in full time work, always has been. What should i do?
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Hi barrea,
It is always difficult to help people who do not want to be helped or do not accept that they have a problem in the first place.
The supply agencies can help people receive expert advice in all areas of drug misuse however it will be up to your partner if he accepts this help or advice.
I work part time at Turning Point who do a great job with the homeless and thier drug related problems.
Your GP may help with some advice regards sexual performance.
If you decide to inform the police they will prosecute your partner as the offence of possessing the drug will be complete. You will not be able to stop the justice route once started.
Please seek help and don't put p the the situation as it is obviously worrying you.
GOOD LUCK
It is always difficult to help people who do not want to be helped or do not accept that they have a problem in the first place.
The supply agencies can help people receive expert advice in all areas of drug misuse however it will be up to your partner if he accepts this help or advice.
I work part time at Turning Point who do a great job with the homeless and thier drug related problems.
Your GP may help with some advice regards sexual performance.
If you decide to inform the police they will prosecute your partner as the offence of possessing the drug will be complete. You will not be able to stop the justice route once started.
Please seek help and don't put p the the situation as it is obviously worrying you.
GOOD LUCK
I think if you contact the police it's theend of your erlationship and the happy family you obviously generally have. Take some time out to talk to him and explain your worries and listen to what he has to say. He may or may not be prepared to cease taking this and it;s something you need to discuss together, get good information about and not really something for the police unless you want to lose your partner, saddle him with a criminal record and stir up a hornet's nest for yourself. Communication is the key.
You say you risk losing him ... but is he risking (or even thinking about) losing you? You also say he is a responsible guy generally, but being high most evenings while caring for 2 children under 4 does not come into my range of responsibility. I could not put myself in the position of never forgiving myself if (however unlikely) something were to go wrong while the children were in his care. Also I would want to know a lot lot more about why he is taking it, from whom is he getting it, what is going to happen in the future etc. etc. I might be over reacting but I do have some experience of the fall out of what at first seems a 'mild use'. I would not contact the police but I would be very concerned .... if there is no drive on his part to stop by the look of it, what do you think life will be like in ten years time, are you still happy for your teenage children to sit there in the evening while he is 'high' ???
Why is he taking drugs for sexual enhancement when you are at work!! cant you tell him that him taking drugs turns you off sexually!! so defeating the point of taking them!!
As long as he feels this is enhancing both of your sex lives he will continue, tell him that it is ruining it for you and to continue will turn you off sex, there are a lots of other ways to spice up your sex life!!
As long as he feels this is enhancing both of your sex lives he will continue, tell him that it is ruining it for you and to continue will turn you off sex, there are a lots of other ways to spice up your sex life!!
Thats is true, i think there is more to it. I have told him it does nothing for me, and he knows it. It obviously does something for him. He does not think there is a problem, he uses drugs for personal use and thats all there is too it.
However i know it is not about me, because he views porn aswell and i diplore this. He continues to do things that he knows make me unhappy, suspicious. When he is sexual he goes into detail fantasy sex about his ex. Says it is just a fantasy. however he is up all night ritualising in a sense. Sexual but unable to satisfy me or himself. He never has penetrative sex. He always says how sorry he is, afterwards and that he will change or won't do it anymore. Yet he has continued this same pattern of behaviour for the last 6 years. i do feel he is harbouring something from his past/childhood, but will not open up to me.
However i know it is not about me, because he views porn aswell and i diplore this. He continues to do things that he knows make me unhappy, suspicious. When he is sexual he goes into detail fantasy sex about his ex. Says it is just a fantasy. however he is up all night ritualising in a sense. Sexual but unable to satisfy me or himself. He never has penetrative sex. He always says how sorry he is, afterwards and that he will change or won't do it anymore. Yet he has continued this same pattern of behaviour for the last 6 years. i do feel he is harbouring something from his past/childhood, but will not open up to me.
As a mother myself think about what matters most....your little girls...they do not deserve it.....especially if he is taking it in front of them you don't want your daughters subjected to this...nor do you want them subjected to violence or being mistreated when the day comes that he's on a bad high....Good Luck...keep your children first....
You say you risk losing him ... but is he risking (or even thinking about) losing you? You also say he is a responsible guy generally, but being high most evenings while caring for 2 children under 4 does not come into my range of responsibility. I could not put myself in the position of never forgiving myself if (however unlikely) something were to go wrong while the children were in his care. Also I would want to know a lot lot more about why he is taking it, from whom is he getting it, what is going to happen in the future etc. etc. I might be over reacting but I do have some experience of the fall out of what at first seems a 'mild use'. I would not contact the police but I would be very concerned .... if there is no drive on his part to stop by the look of it, what do you think life will be like in ten years time, are you still happy for your teenage children to sit there in the evening while he is 'high' ???
Perhaps it is now time for you to take some definitive action and tell you boyfriend that you can no longer continue to live with the current situation. Tell him that you will support him in coming off his drug habit - (despite his protestations to the contrary I suspect that he is already addicted) but that you cannot risk allow your children to be in the care of a drug taker while you are at work. Offer to go to therapy with him if this is what is necessary for him to break the habit, but set a deadline and some action steps and make it clear to him that that for the sake of the whole family, the situation needs to change. From what you say I suspect he has some very deep unresolved emotional issues that are behind this problem and he is using drugs as an escape. However, you cannot allow your small children to grow up in this environment otherwise they may come to think that drug-taking is a perfectly acceptable habit and come to follow his example.
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