How can i stop feeling like im being used

[extra1234]

I cant have sex without feeling used. I dont know why but im always left feeling worthless after sex, i lost my virginity to someone who hurt me alot, and now ive been seeing my boyfriend for 4 months and we recently started having sex but now he always wants it and im sure he is not using me but i just cant help but feel this way. what can i do

[Buenchico]

Take control: Invent a few headaches!

If your boyfriend only expresses concern, he loves you. If he only expresses frustration, he's using you.

[MarkRae]

Do your duties now include agony aunt, Chris?

Or should that be Marjorie...? ;-)

[MickeyTheBrick]

Hi
It sounds like there are some deeper issues at play here. Is your boyfriend thoughtful and caring towards you (non-sexually)? Do you enjoy each other's company? If the answer to these things is yes and you still feel that you are being used it sounds like low self-esteem, as though you don't value yourself and therefore think that men only want you for sex and not for the person that you are. A lot of people feel anti-climatic after sex; a feeling of emptiness. I'm not qualified in any way. I can only tell you what I did when I felt the same as you. I held back on the sex. I didn't give my boyfriend any sex for a couple of months. I told him that I loved him but I didn't feel like sex. He didn't leave me. He didn't go anywhere else for it. He stayed with me. This proved to me that he wanted ME and not just what my body had to offer.
Feelings of low self-esteem, however, may need to be explored. Perhaps the way you were treated as you were growing up.

[looobylooo]

good comments/advice up there ^^ from mickythebrick.

[extra1234]

maybe it is low self esteem but i dont know how i can change that or what i can do about it..

[andy-hughes]

MickeyTheBrick's advice is very sound indeed.

You need to talk over your low esteem issues with your boyfriend. If you are close enough for physical intimacy, you are close enough for emotional intimacy. Explain about your past, and tell him you need some reassurance about how much you mean to him.

You also need to address these issues yourself.

When you get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say out loud, looking yourself in the eyes -

"I am a good person. I am a valuable person. I am worth loving and giving love."

Say it three times, and mean it. Do it evey day, and repeat it under your breath at odd times, and you will start to beleve it.

If you need support, come on here, there are loads of people who will offer you constructive support based on personal experience - don;t let Buenochicho's somewhat brusque approach put you off.

[Scarlett]

I think you should listen to your intuitive inner voice- which is what you are doing. You feel used after sex because your boyfriend is using you for sex. If he was making you feel ace in other ways, and you had a fulfilling relationship aside from sex, I am sure you wouldn't feel like this. I think he is probably just really immature and of course, wants sex but isn't mature enough to cope with everything else that goes with a proper relationship. Do what others have advised- see him for dates that don't lead to sex, and see what effect this has on him. I think you'll get your answer.

[MickeyTheBrick]

How to 'cure' self-esteem? Tricky one. Each person needs to find what makes them feel good....and do it a lot. With me, I enjoy making people laugh. I am happy with who I am when I make people laugh. Another way to make yourself feel good is to make a point of complimenting or helping people. It works for me, most of the time.

[joko]

we are generally brought up to believe sex is dirty, sinful, vulgar, shameful etc...is it any wonder some people develop neurosis, and cannot separate that feeling even in a loving stable relationship and end up feeling guilty and 'wrong'...

religion has a lot to answer for...