People Repeating The Same Stories All The Time?

[CokeTulip]

Whats wrong do you think?

I know a couple of people who do this but one in particular stands out - she tells me the same story over and over (she isn't old - 40's). I have to interrupt and tell her that she has told me this particular story at least 6 times!! already but she does it again the next time I meet her!

Its exhausting - could there be something wrong health -wise or with memory do you think? She isn't getting the message either so its puzzling me.

She has lost alot of friends recently but I think there might be something up with her and she isn't self-aware here at all or doesn't seem to be.

She lives with a relative who is very elderly and has dementia and cares for her so I dont know if this might be affecting her in some way. Any thoughts welcomed and appreciated.
Thanks.

[tamborine]

Maybe she is troubled and needs a kind ear, best be patient as she feels comfortable with you

[stewey]

CokeTulip, what is the general gist of this repetitive story? It must really be of some significance to her and much more exhaustive to her to be retelling it than it is more exhausting to you to be rehearing it. Ask her about it.

[CokeTulip]

Thanks Stewey - yes I know.
I have tried to ask her about it and get her to think more positively if she is dwelling on things (things that are not usually a problem at all).

its mainly about people who she knows who haven't rung her back and where she's seen them out and why they haven't told they were going out or guys who have ripped her off.

You get all the details and yes it cant be good for her going over things all the time. How she bought the neighbour milk (months ago) and still hasn't been paid for it (its daft). Its small stuff but really bothers her but its abit like she cant stop going over it and over it - she feels let down all the time .

It is perhaps mostly along the same lines so you have a point you know - its worse though if its a very long joke that (unfortunely) you didn't find funny the first time and you can lose the will to live but I often laugh because I cant believe she wants to tell me the joke again! Its a form of torture! I then get grief for not finding the joke funny (I do actually find this funny!)...
Its probably insecurity and she doesn't mean half the things she says but she is probably trying to make sense of experiences and has to voice it. We are all different.

[cazzz1975]

I know a lot of people who do this, like you I find it slightly frustrating to hear, especially as the stories are always told in the manner as If I had never heard them before. I dont know the answer to the problem though, people seem to feel comforted telling the stories and although I have contemplated various ways of dealing with it, I have left things as they are and put it down to human behaviour.

[beejay1124]

got a cousin does that--no matter how I try to change the subject--I still hear the same old,same old..

[ummmm]

I repeat myself, not badly, but I do. I now tend to start a sentence with 'did I already tell you XYZ?'

[divegirl]

I think she sounds depressed, and I'm not talking the 'feeling down' type of depressed.
Could you not get her to visit a doctor, maybe even offer to go with her. She must be under a hell of a lot of pressure caring for her relative.

You said yourself we are all different, that we are, some of us cope and others can't.

Lisa x

[ummmm]

Yes...she's seems to be hanging onto negative things. The stories I repeat are usually amusing.

[sandyRoe]

If she's acting as a carer she might be very isolated.You could be more important to her than you can imagine. If you can bear to hear the same thing over and over again listen to her.

[woofgang]

I think that divegirl and sandy have made important points. Does she get breaks from her caring role to have me time AWAY from her reli? Spending most of your time with someone who can't give you intellectual stimulation can be very damaging.
Do you know her well enough to talk to her about her circumstances and gently suggest talking to her GP? Is anyone from social services involved in the care of her reli? She is entitled to have a carer's assessment and have her own needs met as well as the person she cares for.

[2sp_]

My mum is guilty of doing this. She's in her mid 60s and was widowed at 59. She won't say it, but I know she is lonely. She also cares for my granny (90) who does have dementia, although they don't live together.

I think mum tells me stuff over and over again because she spends so much time with nobody to chat to at home or with my granny who is "wandering". When she knows she will get a proper two way conversation, she just dribbles on.

I have learnt to just go with the flow, try to steer her away from a story she had already told me or just hear it again.

After losing my dad, I can now realise that there will come a day when I miss mum wittering on!

[Laelia]

It sounds to me very much like a lack of outside stimulation as others have said. If there are no 'new' experiences to talk about outside of her caring role, how can she hold a conversation? She needs to escape outside of her four walls once in a while x

[FredPuli43]

She's a bit lonely, by the sound of it, at least in her own mind. We do get to an age when we look back more than forwards, and also, if we lead lives in which nothing much happens, little things in our lives take the place of important things because there any of those

[FredPuli43]

^aren't any of those^

[pastafreak]

There seems to be a recurrent theme...she sounds as if she feels others are ignoring her-theyve not paid,or not returned calls. This may be affecting her sense of self worth-so its you she turns to. Be patient with her...and make her feel that you are really paying attention.while at the same time steering her onto more positive topics.

[CokeTulip]

Thanks everyone you're really kind - much appreciated... I think she is lonely and trapped to an extent and some depression I'd say- the relative is her world and probably overdwelling on things - its bound to be isolating. We have had an indirect chat about the GP and they know she has her plate full which is good. When the relative goes into respite she is there visiting everyday - she's very soft but perhaps wont say that it gets her down.

[bunkmoreland]

i don't want to be negative here,but,having personal knowledge of dementia and talking to others who knew dementia carers' problems,she may be having her own breakdown.Unless you live the life of a 24 hr dementia carer,you have no idea of the personal hell it is. I know someone who ended up in a home, before the mother she was looking after had to be.. It was purely stress related. She did recover and cope, when her mother eventually died

[jno]

I don't think you can "catch" dementia, but you can find yourself unconsciously imitating others' ways of speaking and thinking. In this case it might amount to not filing away in your memory whether you've said something before because you know the person you talk to most isn't going to remember it anyway.

Divegirl's advice seems pretty sound to me.

[bunkmoreland]

I wasn't intimating at all that you can "catch" dementia jno ! The person to whom i was referring,had an actual mental break down ,but,thankfully recovered her own mental health! I was trying to put across here how mentally destroying it can be to look after a dementia relative.

[LyndaB]

Oh dear. I do it, and I'm not lonely or isolated or depressed. I just see so many people in the course of a day I forgot who I've told what to :-/