Nursery school

[tamirra]

Hi, my little grand-daughter who will be 2 in Nov has just started nursery school and every time either myself or my daughter drops her off she cries really bad its awful, she goes twice a week for 4 hours each time, are we being cruel leaving her there while she is so upset, does she think we are just dumping her and going away and dont care, so many thoughts are running through my mind its terrible, if i had my way i would bring her back home with me. Any other mums been through the same, and will she ever settle in. Thanks

[k8bailey]

Hi Tamirra, my daughter was the complete opposite, but even thats not nice as I started to wonder if she preferred being at nursery to being with me - lol! Lots of my friends have had this problem with their kids and they were all told, by the staff at the various nurseries, that the child settled a couple of minutes after the parents had left, they have all settled now and go in without making a fuss (but for some it took months).

What do the staff say? Is there anywhere you could go and watch without being seen? The nursery my daughter goes to has CCTV that the parents can sit and watch for a few minutes if they're worried.

I don't think you're bing cruel, kids need to learn that they can't be with mummy all the time, nursery also helps them to develop social skils, and lets them try things that they may not do at home.

I think it's better that they get used to this before they start compulsory education - my nephew never really went anywhere without his mum, until he started school a few months ago, I don't think he's done a full day yet because he works himself up into such a state about it, that he is upseting the class and has to be sent home! His mother wishes she'd sent him to nursery, but she couldn't stand to see him upset when she left so she stopped him from going.

Good luck, things will get better!

[andy-hughes]

k8bailey is exactly right.

My wife and all my daughters have worked with pre-school children, and this is a very common situation.

You must remember that while you torture yourself with thoughts of abandonment and seething resentment from your grand-daughter, she thinks in an entirely different way about the experience.

Yes she cries, but in the vast majority of situation,s the child settles within a few minutes, and while you are walking up the path fighting tears, your little one is getting into the sandpit and greeting her friends.

Do have a word with the staff, although usually, if a child is having serious problems settling in, they staff speak to mum or nana about it.

This experience of independence with help your little one when she goes to school - it will be far less of a trauma for her to move into school than for children without nursery experience, so don't panic, she will not be damaged by a few tears.

[tigwig]

I have been a nursery nurse for several years (now a childminder). Most children who are upset when dropped off do stop once the parents have gone however you need to make sure this is the case. In my opinion if she is crying practically the entire time she is there and not settling then she will not be benefiting in any way. She is at a difficult age anyway and the short times she is going to nursery are long enough for her to be upset but not enough for her to settle quicker and become used to it if you know what I mean.
I would speak to her keyworker, she should have that 1 member of staff who is supposed to settle her in and find out if and when the crying stops asking them to be completely honest. What is she doing when picked up? Is there anywhere you can watch her before she sees you?
I would give her a few more weeks and if she has not settled and the nursery sessions are not a necessity then I would stop them. Some children are just not ready for nursery at that age and to begin at almost 2yrs old is making it harder as 2yrs is such a frustrating age for a child!
I wouldn't worry about what she will be like when starting school as that is quite a few years off and when she is a 3/4 yr old going to a school nursery then she could be completely different.

[aims1202]

I agree with Tigwig, 2yrs old is still very young to go to nursery, most children are not really ready for nursery until 3yrs. Children learn social skills at this age best if they have the opportunity to socialise with peers whilst their parent or someone close to them is nearby. It is not always the case that children who go to nursery very young have a better start at school, i saw for myself when my son started school. I would say that if you feel that you want your grand daughter to be with you why not suggest this to her mum, is it not an option? She may well eventually settle in and be fine when she is left, if she doesnt soon i would probably take her out as she cannot be benefiting from going somewhere that causes her to feel anxious.