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ELVIS68

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ELVIS68
I noticed quite a few flag/torch/badge sellers before the actual torch came through yesterday and they looked more like fairground stall holders, ie grubby looking. None of them had any ID badges,...
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ELVIS68
Ok Ed, the tennis has finished, can we have the Olympic rings up now please?
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ELVIS68
What a great Wimbledon final. It was a tough match, but in the end, the best man won. Well done Serena....
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ELVIS68
Here's the difference between having guts and having balls GUTS- is arriving home late after a night out with the lads, being met at the staircase by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to...
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ELVIS68
If I lived on a farm I would name my wireless network 'Get off my LAN!'
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ELVIS68
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Salt n Pepa. Oh right, the door's not locked. Just push it. Push it real good...
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ELVIS68
I've written a book about a Rapper and his sunglasses collection. I'll probably call it 50 Shades of Dre....
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ELVIS68
Roy did well winning the group and taking the Italians to penalties but I can't help feeling if Harry was in charge he would've made the team play more attacking football with the players he had....
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ELVIS68
Before the game they showed an interview with Ashley and Gabby Logan and her last question was " You've never scored for England, do you think that'll ever change?" Ashley replied "Nah...
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ELVIS68
Oi Oi!
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ELVIS68
I went to the doctor and asked her to look at my penis. I said,"But you must promise not to laugh. "The doctor agreed but when I dropped my pants, she couldn't help but snigger. "I'm...
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ELVIS68
My wife said switching off her mothers life support machine was the most difficult thing ever. She's obviously never tried sneezing holding a full pint!...
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ELVIS68
After much consideration and thought, I really do feel that goal line technology would ruin the flow of the game.
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ELVIS68
Four farmers taking turns to host dinner parties, Combine with me...
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ELVIS68
I accidentally put super glue in my wife's lip balm..... She's not speaking to me anymore...
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ELVIS68
Roof's a bit saggy, it has no poles
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ELVIS68
Listening to talksport radio and they have co-presenters, one in Poland, one in England and they chat away as if they are in the same studio, even taking calls, cricket, weather and traffic updates...
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ELVIS68
Will Roy let Rooney start against Ukraine or will he stay loyal with last nights players? My preference is keep him on the bench and bring him on in 2nd half if needed...
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ELVIS68
I tried to get onto the Weight Watchers website earlier. It came up saying "This page has insecure content". Must be all those cookies....
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ELVIS68
Do you have one? The ones that talk on and on and don't let you get a word in edgeways and your eyes glaze over just listening to them...

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