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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Rondy
I went to McDonalds today, it was tipping down with rain.
He said what can I get you?
I said a Big Mac please. ___ Paddy goes into a John Lewis department store and asks the shopkeeper, "Excuse me... ...
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Canary42
Nobody laughed. It turns out I'm not even remotely funny.
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Canary42
While browsing my local bookshop, I came across a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems. So I bought two.  
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Canary42
The owner of the tailor's shop kept hovering over me while I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone. He said, "Fine, suit yourself."
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Rondy
Yesterday was National Awareness Day....
I didn't know that. ___ I found a Load of Zips and Buttons Dumped on my front lawn this morning..
Someone's been Fly Tipping. ___ Two blokes trapped in a cave,... ...
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gramps85
It was the Gold Medal Wrestling Match between the Irishman and American. The Irish wrestlers corner man told his wrestler that the American had never lost a match and was famous for his Pretzel... ...
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ToraToraTora
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/QnjC4FYze04   ...
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DTCwordfan
A policeman in full riot gear and taking on the protestors in Plymouth's Guildhall Square suddenly throws his shield down and starts running and running as if he was in a blind panic. Up the... ...
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themouthwords
ज़िंदगी के खास दिन को मनाएं heartfelt birthday wishes के साथ! खोजें वो बेहतरीन शब्द जो किसी के  जन्मदिन को और भी खास बना दें! ✨ चाहे वो रोमांटिक अंदाज़ में birthday wishes in hindi... ...
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themouthwords
ज़िंदगी के खास दिन को मनाएं heartfelt birthday wishes के साथ! खोजें वो बेहतरीन शब्द जो किसी के  जन्मदिन को और भी खास बना दें! ✨ चाहे वो रोमांटिक अंदाज़ में birthday wishes in hindi... ...
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-SharonA-
Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and... ...
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Rondy
My mate said to me: "Do you like wearing that hi vis jacket all the time?"
I said: "I wouldn’t be seen without it !!" ___ If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley.
That... ...
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Chipchopper
Portly pensioner Pete was shocked when he saw the state of his latest bank balance, and demanded to his long-suffering wife. "What the heck have you been doing with all that grocery money I gave... ...
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Rondy
I applied for a personal loan and they asked what its for.
I said "It's personal." ___ The instructions for the chicken goujons said "Turn halfway through cooking".
Now I'm facing away from the oven... ...
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Chipchopper
And He told me he has a job working volunteer in the local park clearing rubbish. The boss handed him a litter stick and a bag and said "no experience needed, just pick it up as you go... ...
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maggiebee
The vicar was preaching to his congregation… "I've got sad news, he said.  The treasurer, Mr. Greenhill. has absconded with the church funds,so the church is now bankrupt.… before I make an appeal... ...
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Rondy
Rodney says to Trigger," I'm off to America tomorrow ",Trigger Says, "Delawere"? Rodneys says,"I haven't told him Yet." ___ Did you know that farmers who talk to there cows get more milk so it’s in... ...
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Electrochem
2007 Vauxhall Corsa with wide bore exhaust for sale, complete with roof mounted England Flags. £800 ONO. Can be purchased without the flags for £1000
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Rondy
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - All drinks 10p." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is... ...
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Rondy
When I was a about 10 years old my Mum said to me " Why don't you grow up Stupid"
So I did. ___ I asked a carpet fitter to do a runner for me.
I paid him up front and that's the last I saw of him. ___ I... ...

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