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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Khandro
Did Saul Bellow? I know Oscar was Wilde, but wasn't Thornton Wilder?  I think John was Gay and Hopkins was Manly, but then, who cares if Immanuel Kant  when Kubla Khan ? 🙂
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Rondy
A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy." The mother asked, "What did you do?" The boy replied, "I hit him with my... ...
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Patsy33
While working at the Rolling Stones bakery, you can't always get what you want. But you do get what you knead. 
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Patsy33
Church Ladies With typewriters are at it again! They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually... ...
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Patsy33
I'm just on my way out to fix Cat
Stevens' caravan.
Awning has broken…
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Chipchopper
How do you start a milk pudding race ? Just say-go!
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Patsy33
I was talking to my neighbour today, he said, "I went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday...They shaved with razor-sharp blade below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs... ...
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kinnairdie
ANAGRAM    - EYJNROOA,                 Actress -         2.6  any ideas?
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Clone
A man hovers above a man on floor,  pointing at him he says  ''You won't ever threaten me again will ya'' A bystander shouts 'the MP for Runcorn *$&^*ing smacking someone on the floor'     There is a... ...
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Canary42
Apparently Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Rimmel Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily, and makes her breath smell. In a statement, she said: "This super colour... ...
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Rondy
I got talked into buying a pre Cremation package today, the upside is if I die in a fire I get half the money back. ___ Someone has stolen a broken set of scales which I was hoping to fix.
They'll... ...
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Dagman
A joke for Halloween, courtesy of the great Barry Cryer, A skeleton walked into a pub and ordered a pint and a mop!
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Bazile
An out-of-town homeless man comes to a nice looking house hat in hand, and upon answering the doorbell, the homeowner asks what the itinerant wants.

The shabily dressed person say "Well... I... ...
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Chipchopper
I was looking for a good loo cleaner, so I asked a lady at the supermarket, "which is the best stuff for cleaning the loo" she said "ammonia cleaner" I said "sorry I thought you worked... ...
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Rondy
A thief in the butcher shop got charged with chop lifting.
The Judge said he mutton do it again. ___ My wife is doing an experiment. She's wearing a Man Utd shirt for a week to get peoples reactions.... ...
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Rondy
I asked my mate what part of the USA his wife was from.

He replied 'Alaska'...

Well - to be honest I thought he would know!



___



Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the... ...
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Canary42
A mate of mine has just won the Phillipines National Origami championship. He's a Manila folder.  
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fourteen85
Reports have come through that Police have stopped and arrested 50 Hull KR fans on the M62 with flares as they were on their way to the Grand Final v Wigan at Old Trafford yesterday. It turned out... ...
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Rondy
Two tapeworms in a high ranking army officer.
One says to the other "What's up mate, you look really down?"
The other replies "Oh, nothing really, just life in General" ___ We've started going to a... ...
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Canary42
Dogs bark an average of 787 times per day. Well, that's a ruff estimate 😀

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