Some Old some New...

Jemisa | 13:58 Wed 12th Oct 2011 | Jokes

11 Answers

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I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the

biggest peenis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling

my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume

she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my

girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going

fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I

should change dentists?

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking

behind my back." He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel

chair."

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get

reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she

would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not

listening."

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the

worst. So, I have been to the charity shop to get all of her clothes

back.

At the Senior Citizens Club they had a contest the other day. I

lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have

curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa! Who knew that?

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping centre but
I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new

bomber jackets.

A good friend of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his
girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He

said "Her brother's got a mustache."

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on

Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next

thing I know 4,000 fecking Muslims have added me as a friend!

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I

said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in

my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you

sick bastard."

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help

towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our

garden hose only reaches the driveway.