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Clarkson Goes, Tony & Answerb Arrive.
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The BBC came into the market, Jeremy, James and Hammond long gone to some American network, Netsick, to wreak their brand of havoc over there to an audience that wouldn’t understand their wacky humour.
There remained the little issue of who was going to replace them and, after an AB petition organised by TWR and stewarded by the indominatable Naomi who thought she had signed on for a protest against the Pope’s campaign to prevent Eskimo’s use of bad language in hunting Narwhals, it came to the attention of Lord Hall – is he related queried Gromit, andy Hughes immediately getting into a spat with AOG over this question.
It was this that saw Tony throw his flat cap into the foray and, much to the surprise of AB and the Editor, but not that of THE CLIQUE, he landed the job, or rather talbo paid off the new producer with the promise of a keg of stuey’s offerings from deepest Ontario, kangaroo burgers from Ozzy and even gness volunteering to give up a half pint of her treasured Guinness.
Tony took to the job like the proverbial Lichfield Duck trying to escape from boaty’s Cotswold Canal, chased by the likes of Bernie with his bolt.
In fact, seeing Bernie in operation, led our Tone to appointing sunnydave and Bernie as his co-presenters. Slappy got the job as cameraman extremo and weatherman, Balders as producer and controller, his hounds ready to strike at any BBC or AB miscreants.
‘What cars should we feature and who shall be Stig?’ were the top issue on Tony’s list, written on a piece of Aston Villa toilet paper that Daisy had borrowed from the club floor, autographed by their new manager Sherrardk.
And advert went out on AB, tests to be run on the Answerbank Hippodrome racecourse, proprietor one Mrs Psybbo, betting fixer Shaky Stokey, his missus handling the form board, janbee grit raker – a job that she did every morning running 36 laps with a rake from Buenchico’s Garden Supplies dragging behind her.
The day came around, cameras at the ready, all six hundred and fifty Nikons and three Sony videos, slappy more than in his element and testing them by letting the AB’s penguins out of the zoo to run around.
The ad in the Slinky Times twinned with the Alba Albion for their scandal input asked for drivers over 15 and cars that were at least 35 years old.
To the fore, present were:
• Minty – in a ‘Bless Your Thongs’ Rover 2000, 1983, 156000 miles, 3.5 litres of which only 1.7 were working and the body riddled with more holes than Eccles colander.
• Goodlife – in a Triumph Stag, the car laden down with half a tonne of pamphlets promoting Mark 6 verses 3 to 9 but unfortunately the car rather damaged on the way in when he had run into Jomifl’s Water Tower, aghast as he was when he saw the letters JWT emblazoned on it.
• Mikey – a Ford Zephyr, very much a republican car but this one with left hand drive, so far left leaning that he had to drive it through his driver window, that permanently jammed down, the car fuelled on wind befitting his fellow Welsh icon.
• Bazwillrun – the opposite to mikey, a Ford Capri with its left wing totally demolished
• ToraToraTora – a Honda Civic with the strangest sight of a Jewish Temple altar built on the rear of the car, stickers saying “I love Israel and Bomb the Middle East.”
Andy-Hughes was starter, already arguing with Baldric where he should stand, his arguments totally illogical to the ABers looking on, retrocop the timer with his Timex that worked backwards.
Just before the start, SHE arrived, Mrs Overall, dressed in a marigold-yellow suit, bathing goggles with the tag ‘Property of Whitby Baths’ hanging off them, yellow fishing wellies and, the pièce de resistance, her Marigolds as racing gloves, the car a battered Robin Reliant with the number plate ‘Lancs 1 FU.’
At that moment, Tony, Dave and Bernie realised that they should rebrand ‘Top Gear’ to ‘AB Wacky Races.’
Who would win?
How would this pan out?
Watch the next edition.
There remained the little issue of who was going to replace them and, after an AB petition organised by TWR and stewarded by the indominatable Naomi who thought she had signed on for a protest against the Pope’s campaign to prevent Eskimo’s use of bad language in hunting Narwhals, it came to the attention of Lord Hall – is he related queried Gromit, andy Hughes immediately getting into a spat with AOG over this question.
It was this that saw Tony throw his flat cap into the foray and, much to the surprise of AB and the Editor, but not that of THE CLIQUE, he landed the job, or rather talbo paid off the new producer with the promise of a keg of stuey’s offerings from deepest Ontario, kangaroo burgers from Ozzy and even gness volunteering to give up a half pint of her treasured Guinness.
Tony took to the job like the proverbial Lichfield Duck trying to escape from boaty’s Cotswold Canal, chased by the likes of Bernie with his bolt.
In fact, seeing Bernie in operation, led our Tone to appointing sunnydave and Bernie as his co-presenters. Slappy got the job as cameraman extremo and weatherman, Balders as producer and controller, his hounds ready to strike at any BBC or AB miscreants.
‘What cars should we feature and who shall be Stig?’ were the top issue on Tony’s list, written on a piece of Aston Villa toilet paper that Daisy had borrowed from the club floor, autographed by their new manager Sherrardk.
And advert went out on AB, tests to be run on the Answerbank Hippodrome racecourse, proprietor one Mrs Psybbo, betting fixer Shaky Stokey, his missus handling the form board, janbee grit raker – a job that she did every morning running 36 laps with a rake from Buenchico’s Garden Supplies dragging behind her.
The day came around, cameras at the ready, all six hundred and fifty Nikons and three Sony videos, slappy more than in his element and testing them by letting the AB’s penguins out of the zoo to run around.
The ad in the Slinky Times twinned with the Alba Albion for their scandal input asked for drivers over 15 and cars that were at least 35 years old.
To the fore, present were:
• Minty – in a ‘Bless Your Thongs’ Rover 2000, 1983, 156000 miles, 3.5 litres of which only 1.7 were working and the body riddled with more holes than Eccles colander.
• Goodlife – in a Triumph Stag, the car laden down with half a tonne of pamphlets promoting Mark 6 verses 3 to 9 but unfortunately the car rather damaged on the way in when he had run into Jomifl’s Water Tower, aghast as he was when he saw the letters JWT emblazoned on it.
• Mikey – a Ford Zephyr, very much a republican car but this one with left hand drive, so far left leaning that he had to drive it through his driver window, that permanently jammed down, the car fuelled on wind befitting his fellow Welsh icon.
• Bazwillrun – the opposite to mikey, a Ford Capri with its left wing totally demolished
• ToraToraTora – a Honda Civic with the strangest sight of a Jewish Temple altar built on the rear of the car, stickers saying “I love Israel and Bomb the Middle East.”
Andy-Hughes was starter, already arguing with Baldric where he should stand, his arguments totally illogical to the ABers looking on, retrocop the timer with his Timex that worked backwards.
Just before the start, SHE arrived, Mrs Overall, dressed in a marigold-yellow suit, bathing goggles with the tag ‘Property of Whitby Baths’ hanging off them, yellow fishing wellies and, the pièce de resistance, her Marigolds as racing gloves, the car a battered Robin Reliant with the number plate ‘Lancs 1 FU.’
At that moment, Tony, Dave and Bernie realised that they should rebrand ‘Top Gear’ to ‘AB Wacky Races.’
Who would win?
How would this pan out?
Watch the next edition.
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