Another Collection.

[marval]

I've completely lost the plot, jeopardizing my career as a film director.


Don’t do anything you are not prepared to explain to a paramedic.


Did you know that the mobile phone is the only thing in the world which blokes argue over who's got the smallest?


Dear, Chicken. I have no idea why everyone wants to know why you crossed the road, I'm not impressed.
Sincerely,
The cow that jumped over the moon.


Didn't get much sleep last night, I kept dreaming I was frozen & then dropped off a cliff.
I'm absolutely shattered this morning.


An elderly couple is having breakfast. The woman says: "Oh, I had the most wonderful dream: I was 20 years old again and I was cycling through a beautiful forest with my sister." The man replies: "I had a wonderful dream too: I was 20 years old again and I was making love to a beautiful girl." The woman winks and asks: "were you making love to me?" to which the man replies: "Of course not, you were out cycling with your sister."


I was eating my tea last night when I suddenly thought to myself, "This milk must be seriously out of date."


I had a stroke of luck on the stock exchange yesterday.
I managed to swap three OXO cubes for a jar of Bovril.


I just saw an advert on Face book urging me to 'Discover America'.
They should really remove ads that are more than 500 years old.


I recently traced my family tree.
It was easier, I'm rubbish at drawing.


My husband wanted a campervan.
So I had his white van spray painted pink!

[Flyhalf]

Especially love number 2, the paramedic one!

[excelsior-1]

good ones

[Svejk]

Campervan. Hee hee.