New Entrance Policy For Heaven

[excelsior-1]

One day, Heaven suddenly became extremely full, and something had
to be done. So The Lord decided to have St. Peter wait at the gate
and ask everyone how they died. If it was a grisly story they told,
they could go ahead into Heaven. But if not, they had to go to Hell.

The first man walks up and St. Peter tells him what's happening.
"You see, Heaven is quite full today, and we have to ask everyone
how they died. If it sounds good, you can go ahead. But if not,
you go to Hell."

"Ok," the man says. "Well, for awhile I'd been suspecting my wife
of cheating on me. So today I thought I'd leave work early and
catch her. Sure enough, I got to my apartment and she was lying
naked on the bed. I ran all over the apartment searching for the
man but couldn't find him.

Then I remembered that we lived on the 25th floor of an apartment
building, and we have a balcony. And there was the man, hanging
off my balcony. I beat at his hands and he just wouldn't let go,
so I ran and got a hammer and beat his hands until he fell into
the bushes below. I saw he was still alive so I got the
refrigerator and pushed over the edge on top of him. But the
strain of the effort gave me a heart attack and I died.

"Wow!" St. Peter said. "That really is bad! You can go ahead..."

The next man walked up and St. Peter gave his spiel about Heaven
being full and the man would have to tell his story.

"Ok," the second man said. "So I live on the 26th floor of an
apartment building, and everyday I do exercises on my balcony.
Well, today I fell over the edge, but luckily I caught the railing
of the balcony below me."

"Suddenly, this man came running out and started beating at my
hands. He ran back inside and I thought I was safe, but then he
came back out with a hammer and beat my hands again. I finally
fell off, but luckily I landed in the bushes below and they saved
my life. But that wasn't enough for the man because he pushed his
refrigerator over the edge and it landed on me and killed me.
And now I'm here."

"Wow, that's a good one too! You can go ahead..."

The third man walked up and St. Peter again gave his spiel about
Heaven being full and the man would have to tell his story of how
he died.

"Ok," the third man said. "I don't know what happened. I was
hiding naked inside this refrigerator..."