Not Much Loyalty Shown Here It Would Seem.

[anotheoldgit]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2380685/Fusilier-Simon-Annis-Parents-hero-soldier-killed-Afghanistan-slam-widow-sold-medal-500-Gumtree--telling-them.html?ICO=most_read_module

We all know that some cannot be blamed for forming new relationships after a death of a partner (especially at such an early age), but in this case surely this soldier's widow should have given his parents first chance of ownership of this medal?

[Octavius]

They'd not bothered to stay in contact with her since his death, it was hers to sell, a medal in a cupboard won't bring him back so what further loyalty is due?

[EcclesCake]

There are so many variables here.

Was she hard up for money?
What was the relationship like between her, her husband and his parents?
It is quite likely that she put little emotional value on the honour, if she did not come from a military family.

I'm inclined to think she was simply naive and did not intend the distress caused.

[themorrigan]

I think its disgusting, what a heartless bovine. If I had the spare cash i would gladly give the parents the £1750 they had to pay to get it back.

[themorrigan]

Eccles -he was her husband For Funks Sake-if she put little emotional value on the medal then give it to the parents.

[chrisgel]

Ditto - The Morrigan
Absolutely shameless woman.

[jake-the-peg]

I'm sure she'd have offered it to his parents if they'd had any sort of relationship at all.

The parents hadn't spoken to her in 4 years - sounds more than likely there wasn't much love lost between them and her so why should she bother with them?

But frankly this is a rather distasteful familly squabble and the Mail has presented it for the entertainment of the nation.

Classy!

[joko]

i see both sides of this.

i doubt a medal would mean much to me either - but then i am not remotely interested in the military so it would just be a hollow reminder that he has died fighting some stupid war rather than an honour.

so i think she is entitled to sell it on - especially if she is struggling, but i do think she should perhaps have approached the parents first, to see if they want to buy it.
then again, if they have been horrible to her since, then why should she bother? - i know she didn't say they have been horrible - but there must be some reason they just cut her off.

they are so respectful to a chunk of metal that supposedly honours their son, yet not to the woman their son loved and adored ...

[Octavius]

Very well put joko, if I may say so.

jake, the last sentence in the article seals that deal.

[bednobs]

'It's as if my boy's life meant nothing to her,'

no it isn't, it's as if she sold a medal, a piece of metal, a thing. the medal is NOT the person. If his will left everything to her, then it's hers to sell or dispose of as she sees fit

[andy-hughes]

Personally, I don't think this woman is required to offer 'first dibs' to her in-laws for something that belonged to her.

It is hard to see why, if she had anything of a relationship with her in-laws, she would not have been in touch in four years - so it may be that she decided to stick it to them and sell the medal and use the money for her own family.

So based on what I have read - and I know how the Mail can spin things - she owes them nothing.

If the parents are that desparate to own a medal that they wish to re-mortgage their property - that is their choice - i wonder if they would have offered the equivalent cash from the same source to their son's widow if she was in finnancial difficulties?

[sherrardk]

It was hers to do what she wished with. Quite sad that they are estranged but that's families for you. Wonder who went to the paper?

[EcclesCake]

As I said themorrigan, there are a lot of variables and we don't have the full story.

Not every one values medals in the same way.

I am the wife of a well decorated man and have first hand knowledge of the attitudes of other wives. When I say attitude, it is not meant derogatively, just that young (as is the case here) wives who do not come from a military family may not appreciate the importance of the awards.

[andy-hughes]

Speaking as someone with no connection to the services, although i am aware of the basic mindset of military families -

if my wife had been killed and then given a medal, I would have sold it at the first opportunity, and put the money into a high interest acount, to be shared equally among our children on my death.

But I do appreciate that parents of service personel feel differently, but my wife's loyalty is to me, then our children, and then her parents, in that order, so i would act accordingly.

Of course, this is utterly hypothetical - I could not be married to someone who kills people for a living.

[ferryman]

Why didn't she put it away for the daughter to have when older?

[andy-hughes]

ferryman - only she knows that.

maybe she wanted no connection with the military life that claimed her husband and her daughter's father - I wouldn't.

[Octavius]

ferryman, I don't think theres any suggestion that the daughter is his, so does that make a difference?

Eccles, I can understand your pride in that your partner might have received them through his life and you can imagine his own pride when wearing them to special occasions. But this medal it seems is just a posthumous token of death.

[jake-the-peg]

I think all you need to know about his familly is that after buying the medal their reponse was to go to the papers.

Their son would have been so proud don't you think!

[jake-the-peg]

Do you think the Mail paid them for their stories?

[friedgreentomato]

there are some very judgemental people on here, we have no idea why the widow sold it - she could have been very hard up.

The inlaws seemed not too bothered about keeping contact with her so why should she offer first dibbs to them!!

Speaking as someone who has grown up in the forces the medal are nothing more than a bit of metal - they are not representative of the life lost at all.

I would have done the same as her - I would have wanted my husband back not a piece of metal!

[EcclesCake]

Octvius, I stand by what I have previously said.

The military think it is worthwhile recognising their fallen heroes. The brethren of colleagues understand the recognition, family do not always 'get it'. When dealing with a dysfunctional family things get even more difficult.

It may have been posthumous but for those who value the recognition it means the earth. It is unfortunate that in this instance that the recipient did not value the award as other family members may have done.