do you say yes or no

[sleepyj]

when some one ask you to help do some thing for them and you know you dont really want to do you always say yes and wish you said no .i always say yes to thing even when i dont want to problem is it makes me feel put on all time like people walk all over me and can treat me like p oo . any one else think the same . sorry for moaning

[zappeddot]

I always say yes when anyone asks me anything, I only think about the logistics afterwards and tend to reorganise my time, life, circumstances to carry out my commitment, at work i am always being asked to do stuff for the Host store that is outside of my JD but i never say no and I don't worry about it, my staff sometimes worry for me and I can never see their concerns as i am quite capable, some people seem to be difficult and obstructive but i am not like that. My dad was like that, he was always going out of his way to help the 'old folk' even when he was 80!!!! i had a good teacher there and know no other way.

Dotty
xxxxx

[sleepyj]

even when people say to me hi how are you i always say yeah im great ta even when i know im not . wish i could tell them no i feel like s h*t life is poo and im hacked off . just want to sleep for ever x

[zappeddot]

can't beat yourself up for not worrying people, stay as you are, people must love you for it,

[TillyNilly]

Hi sleepyj..Sorry you feel so bad and hacked off ...Maybe you could try some assertiveness training...It will make 'no' easier to say, without the guilty feelings....It certainly helped me...You can still be nice but not feel you've been put upon.....Hope this helps...
Tilly

[sleepyj]

thanks for your answers .i keep having down days what are turning in to weeks now . so much stress at mo . makes little things seam big .

[KittyGlitter]

Next time you feel like saying no, then say no. You don't have to give reasons - you could just say "It's not convenient" and you can still be friendly about it. It all comes down to self-confidence which is a tricky thing to master sometimes. Saying no does not mean you are being a bad friend either. I'm sure you will feel empowered if you do stand up for yourself and other people will respect you for it. People will only walk over you if you give them the permission to do so - it doesn't mean they are necessarily bad people, it just means that they have learnt what they can expect from you. Maybe you could write down what it is you are scared of by saying no to people and then examine each reason in turn.

[Tha-Flash]

Its a people pleasing behaviour. Pretty common thing actually.

Like if someone says "will u just go and do this for me", you can be like "yeah i'll do it in a minute".

If someone wouldn't do X for me then I wouldn't do X for them.

People will respect you for it because you live in your own reality.

If you're busy and someone wants u to do something just say "i'm busy at the moment".

Make your needs a priority.

If people wanna get ****** off because you wont jump when they say then let them.. its their problem.

[Tha-Flash]

Also it doesn't mean you have to go to the other end of the scale and always say no. Just find the balance.

If you feel like helping someone then help them because you want to.

Helping people is awesome and everyone needs help at sometime but you still have your own needs to take care of.


GL

[sleepyj]

i always feel i do everything for everyone else to please them and no one bothers with me sob sob lol i think its just the world we live in now take take take .dont worry i need to open my mouth and put my self first to hell with them all . my time to be selfish now . hard luck on them if they dont like it . life to short to be hacked off all time

[TillyNilly]

sleepyj..Unfortunatley if we don't look after and take care of ourselves, others can take advantage...Not everyone is like that thankfully...If you can respect yourself and learn to say no when you really don't want to do something, then I'm sure it will follow, that others, will respect you....
Good luck...
Tilly x

[ne2]

Sometime's we need to be firm and say NO. I'll help anyone out as long as it suit's me and my family sleepyj. I suppose like yourself and other's here, I've been put on a bit too much in the past so I had to learn to wisen up and say no. I hope you feel better soon.