Well At Least Sir Kier Is Topping One...
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AND TODAYS SUPER HOT TIPS ARE................. (part 1)
5 Answers
DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
CINEMA goers: Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a pee before the film starts.
RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.
DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.
WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.
SOLDIERS: Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial tomfoolery after a trip to Truprint.
MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
BURGLARS: When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.
EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.
MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.
GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.
BANGING: two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.
BLIND PEOPLE: Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.
CINEMA goers: Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a pee before the film starts.
RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.
DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.
WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.
SOLDIERS: Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial tomfoolery after a trip to Truprint.
MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
BURGLARS: When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90 degrees, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.
EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.
MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.
GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.
BANGING: two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.
BLIND PEOPLE: Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.
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