Help....How can I keep my cool today when I go and see my daughters teacher for parents evening?

[icemaiden]

We had a meeting with the teacher and the deputy head at the beginning of the academic year as there was a mix up with my daughters homework because the teacher mixed my daughter up with a girl of the same name! And she still did not admit to it! And it's gone downhill from there.

She demoralises my child when she attempts to answer a question but gets it wrong. She clearly has her favourites that are always picked for special outings and to help her with demonstrations, which makes my child feel like pond life.

She has to be one of the worse teachers around. Unapproachable, very patronising towards parents and pupils. Will argue black is white. She has made my daughters year at school a very unhappy one, and her work has suffered, which was so disappointing for us as she had a great year the one before.

I know I should speak to other parents to see if their children are also being treated this way but to be honest I am not one of these "Clicky" Mums, So I don't feel I can ask them.





I'm sorry, but I am working myself up even as I type.

Any suggestion would be great guys.

[mccfluff]

sorry icey no advice for you but i just wanted to say good luck and i hope you get it sorted xx

[LoftyLottie]

Ask for another meeting and make sure that the Head of Governors is also present and that minutes are taken. I would stear clear of involving other parents.

[Bbbananas]

All the above doesn't sound to me as though you're in any danger of being a 'cliquey' mum - just a concerned one, which you have every right to be. Maybe a start would be to ask other parents if they have similar concerns, and if so - I do think you need to address it with someone in authority in the school.

[society]

Have a few pints of Guinness in celebration of St. Paddy's day and go and tell the daft teacher off.

[icemaiden]

Thanks guys. Such quick advice.
Following our first meeting with the Deputy head and her teacher we did go to the Head Teacher afterwardsl as we were not happy with the meeting as a whole.

We found that when issues like this raise there ugly heads teachers and head teachers generally stick together. Close ranks.

[brenda]

Seek another appointment with the Head teacher, and ask at that meeting for a copy of the school's anti bullying policy. Ask if this policy applies to members of staff and how you should proceed with a complaint.
This will focus his mind somewhat, because I think this teacher is bullying your child.
Good luck Brenda.

[Bobbisox]

Ice I , too would ask for a meeting with the Head not the deputy Head, I would also ask for the Head of the Board of Governors to attend, this is very important for your child's education and should be treat with the utmost confidentiality, involving other parents may have the adverse effect, have you a School Liaison Officer who could perhaps deal with it on your behalf?
I wish you well
Bobbi ♥

[terryteacher]

I know what you mean. I am a teacher and it seems to me that the only effective way to deal with this is to talk to the teacher in (if possible) an assertive but not confrontational way. Talk about a problem you both need to work together to solve. Have a clear idea of what you want the teacher to do (and suggesting a personality transplant is not the kind of thing I have in mind). If you get her to do one single thing which will improve the situation both of you will come away feeling better about it. Good luck

[ummmm]

Can't you insist that she moves class?

[icemaiden]

Thanks for your support Brenda, Bobbisox and Mccfluff.

If I am not happy with the outcome of this parent meeting I will be asking for n appointment with the Head teacher.

I am not sure if the school has a School Liaison Officer but I will ask.
I also feel that the teacher is bullying my child, and feel that I should have gone to a higher source earlier.

To give you an idea of what I am up against at the first meeting I showed the teacher my daughters excellent report from last year and said that I hoped this would be repeated this year. To that she shouted "That is so unfair!" This was in front of the Deputy Teacher!

[DEN53]

Ice - I could write a book on patronising teachers - you will always get bad apples amongst good teachers - and they do have favourites. Even though my son is now 20 - I can still recall how certain teachers at his primary school put him down at every possible opportunity.

I know other abers have said have a meeting with the head teacher etc etc but I have always found they will take sides with their own staff - they may say one thing to the parent's face but will always back their staff.

I think you need to approach this teacher head on - sit and listen to her and see what she has to say at the parent meeting and try and keep your cool (I know its difficult, as I am not Mrs. Cool myself) but it does help.

When she has finished patronising you, then have your say - perhaps finishing with that you will have your daughter removed to another class if her (the teacher's) performance does not improve. Turn the tables on the bitch.

If things do not improve then approach the head and ask for a meeting to have your daughter put into another class. Obviously he will want to know the reasons - then you give it to him with all guns blazing.

If all that fails - wait for her in the playground after school and duff her up.............

Good luck xxx

[LoftyLottie]

I think all schools have teachers that specialise in pastoral issues, icemaiden.

[icemaiden]

Hi Ummmm... I had thought about moving her to a different class but I thought being that we are now over half the way in to the academic year that they may not do it. Also It has only been in the last week or so that my daughter has told me the full extend of what has happened in the past with her and her teacher.

Before that I would ask her how her day had been and she has always said "Ok".

Terryteacher-in our first meeting that is exactly what I did. I said what I expect from my daughter and the teacher and if there was ever a problem with her work, that I wanted the teacher to let me know. I hadn't heard anything so assumed everything was ok. Now my daughter tells me that she has been scared to ask the teacher to explain things she does not understand and consequently gets a lot of the work wrong.

[icemaiden]

DEN53....You made me chuckle! I would love to duff her up.

Your right though, It will be hard, but I know I have to keep my mouth shut until she has finished. And as I have said, if I am not happy then I will request a meeting with the head for a transfer to a different class. Then he may realise I mean business.

[annie0000]

Sorry icemaiden - been in a similar situation, my sons teacher last year was a waste of space and my elder son had had her the year before and she more or less tried to convince us that he had a learning problem - she referered him to Speak and Language therapy who came to the conclusion that he was bored as she wasn't challenging him enough. When my younger son was in the class - every report up to that point had been excellent all the way through - words such as "a pleasure to teach" cropped up. Went into her class and all of a sudden him and his group were all apparantly "not performing" anyway - ended up getting the head involved etc. at the end of the day, as you say, they all stick together and we got nowhere. by the time they finally replied he only had two months left of the year and was getting a different teacher next year so we didn't persue further. The Head Teacher attended the next parents night we had with her - I am not sure who she was there to check up on, us or her!

Anyway, good luck - might be worth asking the head to come along to the parents night and if possible write down some bullet points of your concerns and go through them methodically - if you don't get them all answered, hand them to the head and ask her to come back to you with a written response. Keep as calm as you can and avoid accusatory and inflammatory language if you can.

Let us know how you get on.

[DEN53]

Ice - go in the parent evening meeting with a confident air about you - sit and look her straight in the eyes - to the point of intimidating her. If you have a suit or smart jacket etc, wear it (I know that may sound shallow and perhaps you already would do this) but show you mean business with her.

I wish I was coming with you, I love to bring these bitch teachers down a peg or two. ha ha ha

I am talking from experience and believe me it does work.

One particular teacher my son had in his last year at junior school, was really horrible to him and even made one of the girls in the class cry and this girl was a high achiever in all she did. My first parent meeting with her we ace - I eyeballed her so much and keep my cool and said all the right things in all the right places.

After she had finished putting my son down in everything - I had my say and as I walked out of the classroom, turned and asked what school she would be moving onto - she looked puzzelled and said 'I am not going anywhere' - I replied to her 'watch this space'. Things improved with my son - but unfortunately once a bad teacher always a bad teacher.

Let us know how you get on Ice.
Den xx

[icemaiden]

Hi Annie....Thats awful what happened to your son. Are you sure it's not the same teacher?? Sounds so much like her.

It really annoys me that some teachers think this way of teaching is acceptable. I am sure part of it is a power thing with these people. She is at the age of a possible retirement, which will not come soon enough.

DEN53- Would love to go there with a suit on, but unfortunately I am going straight from work and I will be wearing jeans and riding boots! And smelling of horses. Posh expensive horses of course.

[annie0000]

Hi Ice - probably not - I'm in stirling and she is unfortunately no where near retirement age - I agree with DEN - she wiull always be a lazy good for nothing. i have already made it clear to the headmistress that if either of my boys get her again, I will take them out of the school and take it higher. She might be happy for me to do that, but considering neither of them have ever lost a minute of golden time or been in any trouble whatsoever and are both high achievers, she is in danger of being left with all the kids who misbehave and underperform and she is very proud of what the school has achieved.

I was speaking to another mother about it and she was saying that you should expect to get at least 2 or 3 bad teachers over the course of primary school - there are that many bad ones about. When we were kids, parents didn't really take as much interest so most of them got away with it.

Good questions that I am stil waiting for answers to are:

How do they benchmark their scoring for the reports to ensure consistency?
What does "good" look like?

[annie0000]

How did you get on ice?