Battling with jealousy and envy

[NeverendingR]

I have had a life long battle with jealousy/envy and it is beginning to take over my life.

I've never been in a serious relationship because by the time it begins to look like its going somewhere out comes the green eyed monster again.

I've lost good friends because I could never be happy for them and would always just feel envious when something goes right for them. Resulting in a huge backlash or just completely dismissing what has happened.

The only time I seem to be around for anybody is when something goes wrong for them. It is driving me mad and I am really beginning to hate myself. Does anyone have any advice for me?

[helen79]

you can get therapy and councelling for these problems. there s also self hypnosis? maybe cognative therapy would help?

[Amara]

Hi there - Jealousy is not a nice emotion and very difficult to live with, for you and those around you. The cause of this is always deep rooted and you will benefit from some help to overcome it, but don't worry you can get over this and have a joyful and jealousy free life! Firstly you need to get to the root cause, face those feelings and let them go. How you do this is really up to you. There are lots of self help books available, secondly you could try a traditional counsellor, or depending on your belief system and feelings about alternative healing methods, you could try some Reiki, Past life regression therapy or talk to a Spiritual Healer/Teacher who will be able to get to the heart of the problem very quickly. You must not hate yourself for these feelings, there is a reason for this and you can overcome it. Learn to love yourself instead and you will then be able to love others unconditionally. - Love and light for you - Amara xx

[WendyS]

I wonder if you suffer from low self esteem because people who are happy and contented with themselves are not jealous of others. Are you unhappy in your job? Are you contented with your skills level? What would you like to be doing differently with your life? If we look around at others we will always find those richer than ourselves, those with better jobs, nicer homes, higher incomes. I believe that secret of being content is to take responsibility for your own life and to take the necessary actions to change it, rather than envying others their good fortune (which has often come through hard work rather being born with a silver spoon). Jealousy is a very destructive emotion as you will have found. Perhaps you have to get some help to understand what it is you don't like about yourself and your own personal situation that makes you so resentful of others.

[noxlumos]

Wendy has hit it straight on the head, if you are jealous and envious of others you suffer from low self esteem.

I had appallingly low self esteem when I was younger and it nixed my first marriage completely amongst other things and made me violent and unpleasant to be around.I loathed anyone being happy, then loathed myself for feeling that way and I spiralled down and down and down until I was absolutely reprehensible.

Only when I got to the bottom of why I hated myself in the first place did anything start to improve.In my case my father beat the living daylights out of me when I was a little boy, but only me, not the other kids, and that had stuck with me and subconsciously I had decided I was unloveable and wrong in some way and that no-one would ever really love me and would always find someone better.Naturally I craved love so when I saw other people happy with what I really wanted I became envious.

It's a horrible feeling but you can get over it. I've been married for nearly 10 years now to my wonderful second wife and I never doubt her for an instant and my life is very happy.

Have some time apart with yourself and think back to whern you first felt this way and try to unravel how it all came about and forgive yourself for the way everythings worked out and try for a fresh start with yourself. It might take a long time, but it is possible.

[sense4all]

This sounds like a course of cognitive behaviour therapy could be appropriate. Be honest can you remember the first time you were over whelmed with these emotions, (this will save you time before you visit a therapist).There are varying degrees of being unhappy for / or about other people, how do the other people know how you feel?, is it THAT obvious! Do not waste energy hating yourself ..... do something positive instead, talk to someone today. I hope that you can work through this and feel better about everything very soon.

[jno]

There may be two different problems here. Jealousy and envy aren't quite the same thing, though the two words are often used interchangeably. Briefly, you're jealous of what you have and envious of what you haven't. Because you envy your friends their good fortune, you can't be happy for them. But when you do have good fortune of your own - when you begin a relationship, for instance - it's jealousy that kicks in, making you fear you're going to lose him/her to someone else.

I'm not sure envy has anything to do with self-esteem; everyone envies someone who's won the lottery and it's a natural response to think 'I wish it was me'. The problem there is to learn not to show it. Even if you can't rejoice in friends' good luck, you can teach yourself to shut up about it and look happy for them.

Jealousy does have its roots in lack of self-esteem, though; in this case, you can't believe that you've had good luck yourself because you don't think you deserve it. I think this is the one that's more likely to benefit from treatment, as other users have already suggested. It's a corrosive emotion that feeds on itself, and you need to break the cycle.

[squiperly]

Jealousy and envy are rather pointless emotions aren't they? What should also realise is that everyone also has problems of some kind, maybe some major problem which ony they or their immediate family know about. Would you begrudge them a little light in their lives? I'm sure you wouldn't.

[NeverendingR]

thanks for your help guys. the last answer. not v. helpful because obviously I would. I dont seem to have any good feeling towards them at all no matter what problems they seemingly have. it makes me feel bad but i am trying to help it.

most of you are v.right. its a self esteem thing.