Anyone else seen a change in their childs behaviour since starting school?

[aims1202]

My son is almost 5 and started school in september. Recently he has been more aggressive towards me and our cat, its not always and he is often very kind, affectionate and caring as well. I give him loads of attention and praise when he is lovely. But sometimes he will just hit or kick me or pull my hair even when he is not angry, just when we are playing or even having a hug. He seems to like doing it. I have been taking away his favourite toy when he does it, which he hates. It works for a bit but it doesnt seem to be working long term. I also talk to him calmly about why he cant hit etc how it makes me feel. I never tell him he's a naughty boy, i always say its the behaviour thats bad.
He keeps saying i am hitting like (and says a childs name at school) or i am naughty like them, and then does it. He seems to be very influenced by the children who behave badly at school and wants to copy them.
Has anyone found this sort of thing happened when their child started school? I think his confidence may have been knocked a little since starting school and i have tried to boost this with extra praise etc but not sure what else i can do? Any advice really appreciated.

[ethanryan]

hi, i have a 5year old step son, over the last couple of months he has started behaving different too. he comes home to his mom who he lives with that he is been smacked and kicked by other kids at school. she has been to the school and the teachers didnt seem to be aware of it and told him that he must tell the teacher if someone hits him. a week later he is still saying the same, then after leaving our house on a sunday he told his mom that i had hit him, which is not true at all. he also rings his dad telling him that his mom is hitting him which she denies.
at the moment he only comes to us every other sunday, which is not our choice but that is another story. when he was here on sunday i took him for a walk on my own and asked him what was happening at school and at home. after a long conversation i found out that no one is hitting him and that it was all for someones attention. he said when he is naughty or says he is being hurt he gets more of daddies attention but his words were i get to see daddy more. he felt that he was been sent to school cause his mommy didnt want him in the house any more, and because she dont play with him when he gets home.

what im saying is maybe there is more to it than you think, is it his way of getting your attention. im not saying you dont give him any but maybe he wants more and dont know how to tell you

[andy-hughes]

Don't panic, this is perfectly normal for a child to go through a period of adjustment when they start school.

For the first time ever, he is experiencing discimpline in a group environment, and he will observe the behaviour of others, and imitate it, simply to see what the reaction is.

Have a word with his teacher and explain the issues, and ask advice.

The best way forward to is to ensure a continuity of discipline at home and at school. If he is made to behave at school, he will be ready to run amok at home. What ytou have to do is instill the same rules of behaviour with similar sanctions, so there is a thread of action and reaction, and he begins to understand that he must do as he is told by the adults in his life.

Be firm, do not deviate, even if he cries and wants a hug, you must make sure that the rules are obeyed. Being cross and then loving sends out confusing messages, and his insecurity will increase.

He will learn - being nice gets nice reactions, being nasty gets punishment, so reward his good behaviour but always always punish the bad behaviour.

FFor the record, this will be harder for you than for him. he will have forgotten the incident way before you stop beating yourself up over being angry with him.

Be firm, be strong, he will respond to the security of a disciplined environment.

Good luck!

[annie0000]

I agree with all the above, in addition, boys of about that age have a surge of testosterone into their system as part of their growing cycle - this will naturally make them more agressive and demanding, this will possibly be effecting his behaviour as well.

[annie0000]

Meant to add - make sure that he is getting plenty of exercise (more difficult at this time of year) and plenty of sleep. When he gets home from school, leave the homework and snack for a bit and maybe put a put of music on and have a jump about or a play wrestle if you cant get out for a run about - then do snack and homework. He will be tired mentally from school so will need sleep, but he may not be getting enough physical activity to tire his body.

[aims1202]

Thanks for your help. i am going to see his teacher on friday so will find out if anything is happening there. I am pretty sure it is not for attention because i give him a lot and he does it when we are playing etc. I think its about how he's feeling just not sure what it is or how to help him. He says he likes school and seems happy there. But does seem to get upset about not getting things right.
I also read about boys having a surge of testosterone at this age and its true. It could part of it and yes i think it also has a lot to with the fact we go out less because of weather and its almost dark after school so he gets less physical activity. Thanks again