Oops What next? Part 2

[sam100]

Yesterday i visited a male friend who i havn't seen for a while...but fancied him like hell for years and years. We had spoken to each other for the last couple of days and were both flirting outrageously. Anyway, when i went round we had a kiss and well one thing led to another *cough*..all very nice. As i was leaving we made plans to text each other later that day, which we did and both said that we had really enjoyed what happened earlier in the day. But earlier as i was leaving the house he had made this comment when i said i was suprised what happened ."i was just truing to see how far you would go"..we were both nervous so it may have just been a bad choice of comment? Tomorrow he goes on holiday for a fortnight. I really want to know what happens from here..Any suggestions or constructive opinions? UPDATE: So he arrived back from his holiday and we met up the next day and spent a lovely evening together. When i left everything was fine (thurs evening). On Saturday night i went out with a friend and bumped into him (he could have known that i was there) he smiled at me but completely ignored me, i collard him and asked if i had done anything to offend him to which he replied no, smiled and walked off. Throughout most of the evening his friends kept glancing in the direction of me and my friend, kept moving closer to where we were standing and at one point were right behind us. When i left i said goodbye to him but have not heard from him since. Whats the general opinion on this???

[bms]

Sorry, but its difficult to read your story
Can you try breaking down into paragraphs

[blondie83]

It sounds harsh...but it seems to me that he just used you to see if he could get what he wanted...which he did. Now he's lost interest. it's nothing personal to you i doubt, but he was just playing a game, and he won : (

[MrBounty]

.....or maybe he's trying to play hard to get.

You both know you're both interested.....maybe he just wants to see if you will take the bull by the horns and go for him....

[blondie83]

Hmmmm maybe. I don't understand men!!! maybe a mans point a view could help............

[MrBounty]

I thought the MR in the name would have been obvious, if asking for a man's point of view.....

[blondie83]

That's what I meant!!!!!!!!!

[sam100]

Many thanks for the replies everyone.

I had thought he was interested and everything seemed fine the last time i saw him...so a bit suprised!

If he had not been hovering so close with his mates watching my friends and my every move when i saw him in the pub then it would have been easier to understand. It seems like mixed messages?

[andy-hughes]

Some guys behave totally differently with their friends, than they do with their lovers.

he may like to 'compartmentalise' - you in one section, his mates in another, and the prospect of having to take off his 'mates' head and put on his 'lover' head without warning may have freaked him out.

I would be inclined to get in touch, accept the way he is with you when ytou are alone, and ignore his 'herd' instinct when he is out with his friends.

It's not clever, but that is men for you!

[sqad617]

You both enjoyed the "cough" sex that vyou had together and subsequent events have indicated that he does not want to take it any further. Savour that moment and move on.

[China Doll]

I am 'friends' with a guy at work.

In work we virtually ignore each other with the exception of snatched conversations about how the day is going and sometimes just a quick 'hi' as we dash past each other. If we're out in a big group of an evening, we're again chatty and friendly with each other but not particularly more so than we are with other people we work with. When we're at his place we're both relaxed and obviously quite intimate with each other.

My reasons for this is my personal life is no one elses business even if it does involve a work collegue. His is probably because he's happy with the way things are and isn't looking for anything more from me. The reasons are different but the situation appears to suit us both for now. If I or him wanted to pursue it further I figure the easiest thing would be to ask each other what the deal is. If you're sleeping with them you should be able to talk to them, if you can't then you're on a hiding to no where anyway.

[Sgt.Rock]

Sorry, but he has used you and doesn't want to know now. Don't bother chasing after him, you could end up looking very foolish.

[sqad617]

Sgt Rock...quite correct, but she used him as well, why does the male always take the flak?

[sam100]

I don't look at it like I was using him..I would like to take the 'replationship' further because i genuinley like him.

I'm just not sure if he is playing hard to get or just using me for sex. I also don't want to look like a crazed person chasing after someone who is not interested but then i don't want to let the situation go if it could have been more..not sure if that makes sense?

[Sgt.Rock]

Because it's always our fault sqad. Don't tell me you haven't been there?

[sqad617]

Sorry sam100, but the signs are there to see. Move on. Lokk at it this way....if he is really seeing you as a meaningful relationship, he will respond to you elusiveness.

[China Doll]

I don't think asking for a straight answer on what the situation is shows any sign of desperation or crazed woman behaviour. I think dwelling on it is a pointless waste of time, if you want to know the answer then ask the question.

[MrBounty]

You should ask him out - get to know eachother again, but this time, sex is off the menu.

If he is interested without the sex, then he'll come back, if not, then you have your answer.

Maybe he's "one of the lads" and being boyfriend material wont go down well in that group.

No point wallowing about things - if you like him, be brave and talk to him - it's the only way you'll get a proper answer.
Unfortunately, no one on here can tell you what he wants.....

[Lakitu]

Men are just weird, Sam.

It sounds like he was acting all blokey (standoffish to us) infront of his mates, and that's backfired because you haven't gone running to him. I think you should just ask him too, if he has any decency, he should tell you how it is.

[sqad617]

Lakitu.......why are men "weird" when having sex with a woman DOESN'T herald a "meaningful" relationship?e

Women often go out with the same object of having a one night stand, not leading to a "meaningful" relationship.

So why aren't women "weird" for bthe same reason?

Sex is one thing, but love is something quite diferent.

[sqad617]

Lakitu.......why are men "weird" when having sex with a woman DOESN'T herald a "meaningful" relationship?

Women often go out with the same object of having a one night stand, not leading to a "meaningful" relationship.

So why aren't women "weird" for the same reason?

Sex is one thing, but love is something quite diferent.