Showing Preference for a Parent/Rejecting a Parent

[Otrere]

I just wanted some advice. Our 2 1/2 year old daughter is all "Mummy, mummy, mummy" at the minute and has been for about 2 months or more now.

She won't go near my husband, won't give him a kiss or a
cuddle when he asks for one, wants me to be there to help put her to bed (this is on the nights I am not at work - this has always been "daddy's job" - she still goes to bed happily with him on the night's I AM at work), but the rest of the time everything has to be "Mummy do it" or "Sophie do it" - she won't even let daddy wipe her snotty nose.

She wants to be with me whatever I am doing, wherever I
am going and she wants to help all the time. I can't
even go for a wee in peace!

She will have a right mega screaming tantrum if daddy
tries to do anything that she thinks mummy should be
doing (which is just about everything).

As much as it's nice to be so popular, she's wearing me
out big time and I don't understand why, or what daddy
has done wrong, and how long its going to go on
for!?!?!?!?!

My husband is also devastated by her massive rejection of him and its starting to get him down and I don't know what to do or say to make him feel better either. I really
feel for him too. I keep trying to encourage her to get
daddy to read her a story and other things, but the
situation is just not improving.

Can someone please tell me I am not alone or give me
some help/advice as to her to get daddy back on side
with her????

[Leyla]

Hi there!

My advise would be to maybe play a game with her dad, cards, connect4, anything and let her see the pair of you having a laugh enjoying a game.  Get daddy to ask her if she would like to join in.  I think when shes sees that daddy is fun and daddy makes a fuss and "lets her win" she will swap her emotions back to Daddy for a while.   Daddy could try rewarding her for good behavior,  bribery is a wonderful thing as im sure you already know!  If u normally give her her evening bath, say "oh mummy just has to do.....(whatever) daddy will come in and bath u.  maybe daddy could bath your dollies too.....  (just something thats fun that mummy doesnt normally do)

 Its more than likely just a phase shes going through even tho as you say must be very wearing!

Good luck and I hope you work it all out!

[Eeeek]

Hi there, I have just been through exactly the same thing. My daughter is 2yrs & 8mths old and since February I experienced everything you have just described. She also kept saying she didnt want to go to nursery either, she would scream & cry and say she just wanted to be with me which was heartbreaking. My husband was also feeling very left out and hurt but.... it seems we have now come through it. This last week or two have been so much better and she is starting to ask Daddy to do things with her again much to his delight.

All I can really say it be strong, it will be hard but as everyone told me, and i can now say for sure, its just a phase.

I am thinking of you :-)

[Jeanie]

Both my children went through the "mummy-ish" stage.  I couldn't even leave the room without my son bursting into tears at one point!  Likewise, my husband felt very rejected  - especially when my daughter would say, "no, no, no" whenever he tried to pick her up!

As others have said - it is just a phase.  You will get through it.  Just go with the flow and don't force anything, and try not to let it upset you or wind you up.

My lovely two kids are now aged 20 and 16 - they get on with both my husband and I and none of us are worse the wear for a very brief 'mum preference' stage!

Don't worry. 

[Jet]

I would agree with Layla, let your daughter see you and your husband doing things together and invite your daughter to join in.  Similarly, invite your husband to join in things that you and your daughter are doing so that you and your husband have an equal share (ie in reading a bedtime story). This will get your daughter used to having daddy around more and you will in time, be able to have some time to yourself, and your husband will feel like a dad again.  Jet

[Hgrove]

Agree with other replies. Went through same with my daughter, then when she was about 3 (I think) she changed her tune and was all daddy daddy daddy...

[dmsjps]

These are all very true replies Otrere, so please don't give up and please tell your husband the same because it is so devastating for him, but it will change. Tell him not to give up, it's just something they sometimes do.

Letting your daughter see you and your husband as a team in ways that she can relate to, like playing games, like going shopping, etc, is very important. You're not pushing her out, but by the same token, there's nothing for her to worry about because you're the three musketeers. You love her dearly and would do anything for her, but the same applies to your feelings for your husband.

Irony of the story? At least as 'natural' parents you're allowed to cuddle your children and make them feel secure and wanted. One of our friends has adopted two children because they wanted children so much and couldn't have any of their own. During their 'trial' period, the husband was told he wasn't allowed to sit the children on his knee, wasn't allowed to bath them or physically play with them - like to tickle them! The wife could do anything - was positively encouraged to - but not the husband. How pathetic is that? How is that teaching those kids what normal family life is all about?

Your daughter will come round and judging by the response of your husband to her rebuffs, he will be so pleased to have her back on his side when she decides she will spare him the time, that when she's all grown up, you'll be the one feeling left out!

[Otrere]

Hi all

Just wanted to post a quick thanks for all your tips and reassurances. My husband has been making more effort to do things with our daughter - they were playing "basketball" with balls of paper and a (clean) wastepaper bin earlier and she was having a whale of a time. It really seems to have worked in his favour as he has had such a positive reaction from her and feels more like a "daddy" again.

Once again, thanks ever such a lot.

[hellywellywo]

My son is about to turn 2 and is going through this aswell.  sometimes the popularity is rather wearing especially when you would like some privacy in the toilet.  my husband takes him to do things he normally wants me for and i have to let him cry about it.  he is letting daddy do things for him with a certain amount of grace so we are gaining a small victory and so will you.  go girl.