Any reason that this is in animals?
On a grave headstone "I told you I was ill"
On someone's deathbed "God will forgive me. It's his profession"
In a court case, (on which I was a juror) -
Judge: How can you be sure this happened at 3.15pm?
defendent: I always look at my watch when something is going to happen.
For me, American humorist and author Mark Twain (real name Samuel Langhorne Clemens) was the best exponent of “one liners”. A few examples of the many hundreds you can find:
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."
"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated" [after learning that his obituary had been published in a New York newspaper].