Dog Rules

[marval]

Visitors:

Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

Barking:

Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark -- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night hearing you protective bark, bark, bark.

Licking:

Always take a big drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

Holes:

Rather than digging a big hole in the middle of the lawn and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the garden so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's moles. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.


Doors:

The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

Dining Etiquette:

Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.

Housebreaking:

Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

Going For Walks:

Rules of the road: when out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.


Couches:

It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

Playing:

If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, aim for the flowerbed to absorb your fall, so you don't injure yourself.

Chasing Cats:

When chasing cats, make sure you never--quite--catch them. It spoils all the fun.

Chewing:

Make a contribution to the fashion industry... eat a shoe.

[rockyracoon]

Lol, very good and very true.

[seadogg]

Dens; The importance of having accessible dens is vital to a dog. Flower beds, rockeries and the onion patch are the best places. Secret dens in dense bushes come in handy when you are being called in for the night, especially in winter when your master is dressed for the warm lounge.

[marval]

Thank you for that seadogg

[starone]

My friend called her dog Hoover because he cleaned up all the food that fell on the floor.

[marval]

lol Star, I like it

[tenrec]

That last point is very relevant. With my first week's wages I splashed out on a very expensive pair of shoes. Got home to find the dog had absolutely killed ONE of them. The other was still AS NEW.

[marval]

Oh no tenrec, poor you, I hope the dog was ok.

[tenrec]

Oh that dog was such a good dog! She was really faithfull and definitely man's best friend. A real gem. I think the shoe incident was the only thing she did wrong and that was cos I had left her alone longer than necessary.

[marval]

Oh bless her, man's best friend.