Important Announcement to all Staff re Tonyav

[mrs_overall]

(Report obtained from A&E, Answerbank Under the Wold General Infirmary)

23rd June - arrived at A&E after being found unconscious in a ditch, almost naked from the waist down. Clothing examined and appears to have been nibbled rather than torn off. Strange hoof shaped marks on patient's shoulders and patient smells strongly of billygoat. Kept overnight for observation. No further treatment

30th June - arrived at A&E after being found unconscious in a boiler cupboard. Appeared delirious, shouting about girl on girl action. Kept overnight for observation. No further treatment

2nd July - presented himself at A&E with a broken nose. Claimed to have been hit by a flying book. Nose reset and 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed.

6th July - presented himself at A&E with scalding to the groin. After close examination of the relevant parts (with a magnifying glass), a faint redness could be detected. The scalded area was covered in a white powder which the patient claimed was cat flea powder. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed and an appointment made for patient to see duty psychiatrist.

8th July - presented himself at A&E complaining of a painful toe. An X ray revealed the toe to be broken. Patient claimed he sustained the injury when he kicked a pimp. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed and an urgent appointment requested for patient to see duty psychiatrist

19th July - patient brought to A&E by a friend. Patient had his head twisted the wrong way around after upsetting one of the contestants at a wrestling match. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed

23rd July - patient presented himself at A&E claiming he had been attacked by a billygoat. Patient covered in goat dung. No injuries, apart from bruising. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed

31st July - patient presented himself at A&E with a condom machine in which his hand was stuck. Condom machine cut to release patients hand. Bruising and swelling noticed. 600mg Ibuprofen prescribed.

This patient obviously has "issues" and apparent fixations with A&E and goats.

This report if for the information of all A&E staff

[sunny-dave]

Patient advised to ring PALS ...

... PALS advised not to answer phone

[Anngel]

So why not just send him to Boots for the ibuprofen?

[gness]

Just...just put on the mascara for my dinner out and you do this...!!!

I look like a horror film extra and you are fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[gness]

Banned from Boots.

[mrs_overall]

a) because he is a hypochondriac and keeps turning up at hospital

b) the doctor in A&E prescribes 600mg of Ibuprofen to all patients

[ttfn]

I think he may just have the hots for the triage nurse ...

[mrs_overall]

ttfn, is the triage nurse the one who looks a bit like a goat?

[ttfn]

Fifth amendment here, mrs_o, as I am a staunch supporter of my local NHS hospital ;)

[Graham-W]

Does she smell like one as well?

[mike11111]

Boots used to be the cheapest chemists going, slightly undercutting Timothy Whites. Alas, no longer. You have more chance of finding me in McDonalds than in Boots!

[sunny-dave]

I think Rowan knitted him a support - but it's rather itchy and upsets the goat ...

[tonyav]

It's all Tenrec's fault or DT or dave. or maybe the author.

[ttfn]

Dave, it is not easy getting the right tension using steel wool, you know?

[ttfn]

"Overall, things could have been worse (?)"

[ttfn]

Oi! triggs - what about a voice over WOMAN?

I have been told that I sound like the Queen






Elizabeth II not Victoria ;)