ChatterBank2 mins ago
Do You Like Dogs?
Things dogs hate about humans.
1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
2. Blaming your f@rts on me...not funny...not funny at all.
3. Yelling at me for barking... I'm a dog you idiot.
4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat?)
5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?
6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.
7. Yelling at me for rubbing my bottom on your carpet. Why did you buy the carpet?
8. Getting upset when I sniff the cr0tches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?
11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your furniture up when you're not home.
12. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.
14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.
Dog’s Bedtime Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep
The king-sized bed is soft and deep
I sleep right in the centre groove
My human beings can hardly move
I’ve trapped their legs
They’re tucked in tight
And here is where I pass the night.
No one disturbs me or dare intrude
Till morning comes and I want food
I sneak up slowly to begin
And nibble on my human’s chin
For morning is here, it’s time to play
I always seem to get my way.
So thank you Lord for giving me
This human person that I see
The one who hugs me and holds me tight
And shares their bed with me at night.
1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
2. Blaming your f@rts on me...not funny...not funny at all.
3. Yelling at me for barking... I'm a dog you idiot.
4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat?)
5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?
6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.
7. Yelling at me for rubbing my bottom on your carpet. Why did you buy the carpet?
8. Getting upset when I sniff the cr0tches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?
11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your furniture up when you're not home.
12. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.
14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.
Dog’s Bedtime Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep
The king-sized bed is soft and deep
I sleep right in the centre groove
My human beings can hardly move
I’ve trapped their legs
They’re tucked in tight
And here is where I pass the night.
No one disturbs me or dare intrude
Till morning comes and I want food
I sneak up slowly to begin
And nibble on my human’s chin
For morning is here, it’s time to play
I always seem to get my way.
So thank you Lord for giving me
This human person that I see
The one who hugs me and holds me tight
And shares their bed with me at night.
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