A Quandary

[MartinMillar]

Some friends were due to get married this , the whole big white jobbie. Obviously due to Covid it was cancelled, so we have received notification that it’s going ahead next year same venue etc , not a problem we understand that.
However, we have now been told that they did actually get married but with just the vicar and witness, but they are still going ahead with the wedding ceremony next year and reception.
Now here’s the quandary, I do not see the point in going, I would happily have stumped up the grand to see them tie the knot but just feel that this is not a wedding and really feel that I no longer want to go but I also don’t want to offend them.
Your thoughts please

[jno]

I guess they want to celebrate in the company of friends and family, which they'll have been unable to do this year. Weddings are legal matters, but they're also one of the great social rites of passage.

But it's entirely up to you if you want to join them or not.

[gingejbee]

Unfortunately, haven't you booked a holiday for that very same time....so can't go?

[calmck]

Wait until closer to the date then send your regrets and maybe a donation to the bar or something

[andy-hughes]

I think you should go and help them celebrate their wedding in a way that was denied them through no fault of their own.

If they had simply sneaked off under normal circumstances, and then wanted the whole kit and caboodle, you might have an objection, but these are not normal times and people should not be denied their big day because a virus got in the way.

[woofgang]

its going to cost you a thousand quid to go????

[MartinMillar]

Yup ferries, hotel, dog kennels cats sitter and spending money

[choux]

Seems like a rum choice of theirs to me. I do not blame you for not wanting to go as it is not the idea of a wedding as we know it.

How you do not offend them if you refuse the invite is another kettle of fish - rather you than me. However, I would say stick to your guns if that is how you feel.

The main thing is that they are married and I suppose they should be grateful for that. Surely they could spend the saved wedding costs on something else?

Being ever cheerful, how can they guarantee that their second attempt might also not be in danger of being cancelled or postponed as Covid19 will still be with us for a long time to come. In that scenario I guess you could be out of pocket if you have to cancel travel bookings.

[gingejbee]

If I really felt "that I no longer wanted to go"....I wouldn't go.
I'd fabricate a decent enough excuse (OK, lie)....

[Sqad]

They're married, done and dusted, reception , water under the bridge,.NOW,if they want a bash next year,thenfine up please don't labour under the conception that it is a wedding deception.
In your limited experience of such matters,I have found that the bigger the bash,the shorter the marriage.

[MartinMillar]

I am happy they got married but it’s the whole church thing and huge reception when they will have been married a year.
I just don’t see the point

[Sqad]

lol lol..reception..Freudian slip lol

[Tuvok]

If it were classed as a renewal of vows would you go then?

[choux]

lol at Sqad, glad he didn't type conception in error ... ;)

[Curvylady]

Perhaps the happy couple are thinking about all the wedding presents they have missed out on.

[Barmaid]

This has happened to a good friend of mine. Their licence expires so so they are just getting hitched quietly and then party next year.

I'm going. Wouldn't miss it. To me it's celebrating their marriage and their happiness. Plus it'll be a jolly good **ss up with loads of old mates together.

[andy-hughes]

Martin - // … I just don’t see the point //

You don't have to 'see the point' - it's not your wedding.

Either go in good spirit because you want to see your friends celebrate and be happy for them, or begrudge the money and your hold your miserable attitude and don't go.

Your choice - but at least have the kindness to keep your opinion about their celebration to yourself, and do them the courtesy of providing a decent believable excuse for not attending.

[douglas9401]

Here endeth the lesson. :-P

[Cloverjo]

Depends how close friends they are, I think. If they’ve been with you through thick and thin etc. then I’d go and join in their celebration. If not, don’t if you don’t want to. You’ve already booked something for that date, haven’t you? As ginge suggested.

[andy-hughes]

douglas - // Here endeth the lesson. :-P //

What do you think would happen if you couldn't trail after me all over the site dropping your little nasty digs after any post I make?

Would you come out in hives? Faint and fall over? Or just feel unfulfilled and miserable?

Whatever, why not give it a go? Your fellow AB'ers will thank you for it.

[Peter Pedant]

you are over thinking this