She cant make up her mind

[cheribaby]

my husbands ex is threatening us,she says she is moving and she wants 5 years maintenance back-pay even though they had an agreement that she could have the house and he would`nt have to pay any maintenance. 2 of his kids also went with him when he left and they know of the deal. Well 1 was kicked out soon after he left and went to her dad. She would`nt let the youngest 1 go. They were divorced when they had her and the ex always says he has no rights over her. We have K his daughter to stay weekends holidays etc (she even stayed once for over 6 months because her mum was `emotionally and physically drained`. Anyway 5 years on she sold the house pretty much straight away moved 3 times each time got a council place and housing benefit she doesnt work had 4 fiance`s 7+ cars endless mobile phones she splits with boyfs so changes her phone, 4 holidays abroad, (not always with K) 3 puppies a kitten a hamster 2 horses. These pets are all bought but eventually given away Now she`s spent all the money from the house sale K is now nearly 12 and for a couple of weeks has said she would like to live with us but is worried about upsetting her mum, which is understandable. On Sunday we took her home and with her brother she told her mum how she feels. She said she would never let K come to us Since then we have recieved some nice texts, the last one being that she is moving to Newcastle (again) we live in Surrey! Now speaking to K she doesnt know what to do. Its like her mum gets her claws into her, she also just thinks her mum is taking her up north this weekend for a visit, not to live. K cannot make up her mind what to do, us or her mum. It is hard bless her but if she came to us we would always allow her to see her mum.I know if she goes, we might never see her again! Help we need advice.

[kazzianne]

Sounds very complicated! All I know is in relation to the first bit of your question.When my parther split up with his ex there was a house to be sold.He offered to give her the entire proceeds of the sale,but not pay maintenance and he was told by his solicitor that you cannot do this - you have to pay maintenance.So I would say a lot depends whether he has anything in writing to clarify that she agreed to have the house and didnt want maintenance.

[sam82]

i dont know much about these things, but K's mum seems to have a very unsettling life, have you thought about speaking to a solicitor or citizens advice, that you and her father could maybe offer her a more stable life.

[cheribaby]

he did get her to sign a letter a couple of years back because she has always threatened my husband with court over anything and everything. it just doesnt seem fair, you know, we didnt get anything off her for the 2 that went with my husband. It just seems that she`s had a good old time spent all the money now wants more !!

[cheribaby]

answer to sam82 her life is very unsettled to say the least. Its just K cant make up her mind, i think cause her brother & sister left her mum, she doesnt want to leave her too. But then K will phone at 7 oclock crying that her mum has taken her sleeping pills & she is all on her own, what can we do if she wont come to us ! its not like they live round the corner & we can go to her they live over an hours drive away. We cant afford solicitors. Tried social services that went absolutely nowhere. i just worry about her

[kazzianne]

Does his ex have a residence order over this child?

[cheribaby]

they never went to court over anything my husband just had enough of her and just left everything. he had to get away.she is mad !!

[kazzianne]

well I could be wrong,but why dont you just keep the child for the time being and speak to citizens advice - they are free.And I think you would also be entitled to a free hour with a solicitor possibly.Could you not qualify for legal aid?

[JustSia]

Re: back payments. From what I've been told by CSA you can only claim backpayments from the time the application was made to CSA. So in theory if his ex applied to CSA 5 years ago but never recieved the payments she can have them back-dated. Otherwise she has to register with CSA first. Still I would check that. The rest you have to sort out through your solicitor or CAB.

Good

[JustSia]

wrong button...

Good luck. S.

[huge piles]

i sympathise... go to csa, then go to nacsa, then get legal advice...

looks to me like this woman is mentally and emotionally unstable, and/or extremely selfish... i think a court would justifiably wipe the floor with her...

good luck... always a shame when kids get used as tools