Biting toddler

[enigma]

I am at my wits end with my son who has just turned two today. He keeps biting my three year old daughter and has left some pretty vicious bites on her where you can quite clearly see the indents from the two rows of teeth. I have three children - a nine year old daughter , a three year old daughter and my two year old son. My girls went through the normal toddler tantrums and both had mild biting and hitting episodes which I dealt with but my son seems so much more aggressive and I am at a loss to explain this as he does not witness violence , so where is the aggression coming from ?

Obviously I understand that as a toddler , his vocabulary is somewhat limited and therefore his anger may be borne from frustration at being unable to communicate his needs but I don't know what to do to curb his biting. He does not bite me , his dad nor his eldest sister which I am assuming is because we communicate with him to establish his needs whereas my three year old continually winds him up , steals his toys and taunts him. My mother told me though that when we were through at my parents' house recently , he lashed out a bit at her when she tried to lift him which I was shocked to hear. He was over tired and had a bug working on him but this is still no excuse for hitting.

I am considering going back to work soon which means that I will need to leave my son in a nursery and my biggest dread is that he attacks the other kids , so how do I nip this in the bud just now ?

[madamspud169]

Tell him "NO" firmly and move him to a place or chair designated as the naughty step or chair etc, you should get your mum to do the same (it worked with my son0 the thought of missing out was what worked I think lol.
It takes a couple of weeks to work but I've never known it fail

[katangel26]

I agree with madamspud, chances are unfortunately that if you do take him to a nursery and he acts this way with the other children and continues to do so, they have the right to no longer allow him to go there.

The naughty step (or naughty corner which I used to use with my son) does work wonders. It does take a little while but it does work. Either that or making him follow you wherever you go (or where your mum goes) works too. He'll get extremely bored and then you can explain why you're having to do it. He may only be two but he knows what he's doing is wrong and he understands what your saying.

This is normal toddler behaviour but for this to be a regular thing, isn't. Maybe it's because his older sister is doing things and annoying him when no-one is watching. I'm not saying that biting would be right in that situation, but at least it might explain why he's 'lashing out'. Or maybe he is frustated that he can't express himself in the way that the rest of his family can.

Good luck x

[enigma]

Thanks for your answers madamspud and katangel. I have been putting him on the naughty step but he still seems to be continuing with the biting. I talk to him and tell him that he is hurting his sister and I show him the bite , telling him that he has hurt her but still he does it again. He has given her four bad bites now and that is four too many as far as I am concerned. As I said , I know that my three year old winds him up and taunts him as my eldest daughter tells me what goes on when my back is turned. I may only be one room away but I have to come running when I hear the screaming and my eldest daughter fills me in on what has happened , accompanied by wailing from my three year old and a petted lip from my son.

I have been talking to my three year old too and telling her that my son bites when he gets frustrated and/or angry because he can't communicate with her properly to tell her not to pinch his toys but I fear that because of the reaction he gets when he bites her , ie , her screaming , releasing his toy and running away from him , then he knows that he gets his own way by behaving like this and I must break this cycle of bad behaviour. I'm just not sure that the naughty step is enough of a deterrant.

Earlier today he bit my daughter again and I immediately put him on the naughty step. I comforted my daughter and deflected any attention away from him. When his two minutes were up , I brought him to his sister and showed him her arm , telling him how he made her cry because it was sore when he bit her. He looked quite ashamed and didn't really want to look at her arm. Instead he had a petted lip.

[enigma]

He is normally such a giggly , loving little boy and he does get on well with both of his sisters but at times he bites my youngest daughter. It is so odd because if he sees her upset , then he gets upset and runs to kiss and cuddle her so he does love her. There is obviously more to this than meets the eye as I know that my daughter can be jealous at times - especially as my son is very clingy with me. I'll just have to persevere and monitor the situation. Thanks for your help x

[dancecaller]

Can you break the habit by not leaving them alone together for a while. You would have to take turns at asking one to come with you when you had something to do in another room, make it a special attention time when they can 'help' you.
My first 2 were close in age and I didn't take sides when I heard shouting and screaming and hadn't seen the cause - it was "if you can't play nicely together you can play in your own rooms".
I can understand that you feel you have to tell your son that what he's done is wrong (mine didn't actually hurt each other), but wonder if this makes the bite all worthwhile for your daughter.

When you start back to work it is going to be even harder to give each the individual attention they need, make sure that you do this now with plenty of praise for good behaviour and as little reaction as possible for bad.

Easier said than done I know. Best of luck.

[Solarjunkie]

Everyone needs an outlet for their anger - especially a 2 year old!
How about an Angry Cushion? It has to be different from your other cushions, so get one that is a different colour, and explain to the whole family that sometimes people just want to hit something - that's where the Angry Cushion comes in.
I must stress it's for everyone in the family - hitting/biting other people is wrong, but you can hit the cushion, kick it, yell at it - that's what it's there for.

Believe me, it's very therapeutic!
It also follows the recommended "training" for children, concentrate on what they are allowed to do rather than what they're not (when it's possible!) so when your youngster feels the need to express his anger, he can.
Good luck.

[lilacben]

Hi one way to stop this habit is by biting him back, so than he can see how it feels. I dont mean really hard but just to let him know it feels and hurts. This will be frowned upon by some no doubt but it never did me any harm when I was a toddler nor my daughters and now there children. You should only need to do it once.

[bubblegum-31]

lol i agree with lilacben!!!
my son who is now almost 10 bit me when he was a toddler and he marked my arm so i bit him back on his hand not really hard but it worked because never again did he bite me or anyone else........................good luck