Broaching touchy areas with a housemate/friend

[Headless Rat]

One of my housemates happens to be one of my best friends. Before we moved in together I knew that they were quite untidy & a bit careless. I had no idea to what extent though! They NEVER wash up, leave dishes anywhere & everywhere with food stuck onto it for days, leaves their personal belongings all around the living area, always leaves the doors open so the heat goes straight out and leaves the living area freezing, always forgets to pay for favours I may have done them, like buying a bottle of wine, paying the electricity bill, never puts the rent money into the account on time etc etc etc! I'm sure they don't do this out of stinginess or malice because they ARE a lovely person. They are just a bit thoughtless and forgetful.However, at some point this cannot be used as an excuse as we are all adults in the house. I feel they need to take more responsibility for themselves and think of the people they shares with a lot more. It's not fair and I'm sick of it. The only problem is they are one of my best friends and I have no idea how to say ALL of this, because it ALL needs to be said !I don't want to bombard them with a tonne of problems they're causing. Any ideas on how to be diplomatic??!!Thanks!

[dot.hawkes]

1)tell them you are having a dinner party and the place needs to be spotless,
2) tell them the neighbours have complained there is a bad smell around the house
3) tell them you saw a mouse
4) tell them you have lost a bag of money somewhere in the house
5) tell them you are suffering from amnesia and you don't know who they are so could they lease leave.

[ummmm]

I think you have made this up....

The person you are talking about lives with me!!!

[sarnieken]

Sit them down and tell them. If they're as nice as you say then they will take the criticism on board and do something about it.

[Champagne]

You know the saying, "sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind"? I think that applies here. If you try to address these issues in a roundabout way then they probably won't take the hint. If this continues you may find it has an adverse affect on your relationship.

You need to confront him/her. You don't have to do it in a nasty way! Say you need to talk to them, and arrange a night in the pub after work so you can discuss it over a couple of drinks. Don't dwell too long on it either. Limit the discussion to half an hour and make sure you reach an agreement.

Good luck.

[Eve]

As you're friends how about thinking of ways you can both work together more easily to make things better?

Could you arrange to have a direct debit or something set up on payday into a bills account which you can manage?

How about going halves on a dishwasher or renting one to encourage her to put the dishes straight in there?

[starry eyes]

I agree with Ummmmm, you made it up, cos she lives with me! Honesty my house mate was exactly the same, plus, she didnt even bother to lock the front door. It was awful living with her. andi could never say anything.She moved out last week, and cos of other stuff aswell,(youl find out what from my posts on here) our friendship is now very strained. I have no advise cos i know how hard it is, so all i can say is. GOOD LUCK!!!