will my dog remember me for the wrong reasons??

[rach-lou]

Im taking my pet krystal on Friday to be put to sleep. My whole family is coming as she is the family dog and ive searched internet and ive read thats its a painless procdure and the dog feels no pain other then the injection. My only concern is that im going to stay with her for the whole procdure as i want to be the last person she see's and she's my dog. But i dint want to live with the guilt that she knows ive ended her life - will she blame me or think that now wasnt her time.

For the last 18 months she has had a cancerous growth on her leg which we have had removed once and tried nemerous treatments but nothing has worked. It has got infected and responded to anti biotics, but she currently has to have twice daily dressing changes which she is finding more distressing. She has also started to loose her bearings and walking into doors, unable to navagite around the house, toileting in inapropiate places things she has never done before.

I feel she has no quality of life as she dislikes and becomes very distressed when left on her own ( something which we actively try to avoid but hard when working full time) she sleeps most of the day and all night. She doesnt go out to walk.

I know it is the right decision and i have to think of her, but i just want reasurrance that she will not remember me for being there when she was put to sleep - will she remember the good times?

Has anyone ever felt the same feelings?

[rach-lou]

Thank you to every body who gave me thier best wishes and thoughts when Krystal had her last day on friday.

It is easy to say that it has been the hardest few days of my life and i never thought the pain of loosing her would be so bad. On the morning we took her she was put into everybodies bed and for the first time in a long time she started digging under the covers - in everyones bed.
I can honestly say that i nearly changed my mind about taking her, but i know that keeping her was going to be for all the wrong reasons - it would of been for us, not Krystal. Which would of been cruel as the tablets wernt working and we didnt want her to feel any pain. This is something we always vowed we's never let her have.

I know in my heart that it was the correct decision but i feel so guilty and i hope that she heard all the things we said to her when she went to sleep and that she knows it was only for her best intrests not ours - we would of kept her for ever if we would of.

[shivvy]

Hi Rach-lou. The guilt will pass and in time you will start to think more about Krystals life and not the final day or moments. If you have a few photos around, you could pop them into an album when you feel up to it. It is a really good way to remember stages of life, situations and happy memories.
My experience is that you will move to a stage of being proud that you were able to share the time that you did with Krystal.
Her being in everyones bed is just great! I'll bet that made her a very happy pup and it will be a lovely memory for the family to have.
Take care - I promise that it will get easier.
There are some real jerks on this site, however as you can see from everyones replies, most are really lovely people who have shared this experience and are happy to talk about it for as long as you need to.

[horselady]

Hello rach-lou. You really will feel better about all this one day, I promise. It's so hard isn't it, we put ourselves through this time and time again, I've lost 2 dogs suddenly, 1 chasing a rabbit onto the railway line and 1 died while staying in kennels. It's much nicer when you can choose the right time for them to go and say goodbye properly.

[divegirl]

Hi, only just caught up with this thread again.
Rach-lou....I'm so sorry for your loss.....time does heal [eventually], but what a brilliant Mum you've been to your girl.....you said you wanted to keep her, but knew it was best to let her go..... the ultimate sacrifice and truly your last act of love to her.

Run free Krystal.

Lisa x