Child Maintanence Payments

[numnum]

My partner has 2 children with his ex and we have two children together

He pays her an agreed amount every months and she's asked for more. We're not in a positon to pay her anymore. By the time we pay our mortgage, bill, living we're left with nothing. By the beginning over every month we're neraly in our overdraft as soon as we've been paid.

We're not silly with our money and just managing to cover bills.

Where would we stand with things if we say we cant give her anymore?

She's took the kids far away, keeps moving them here there and everywhere so we only get them once a year in school holidays because of the expense to get to them or them to us.

[delboys2]

I think if you feel you are paying enough and the children are not suffering in any way just say no . It was an agreed amount , I would think she would have to go to court to try and obtain more funds and surely the courts would be sympathetic to your needs .

[numnum]

Going by the CSAhell website it looks like the csa people dont care about your current children living with you, your outgoings. As long as they can get more money for the other children they dont seem to care

Its just a big worry. My partner wants to pay it as she could probably get more but we dont have any spare cash to give her. If we did we'd constanly be buying the girls new clothes and sending pocket money.

Its very annoying our children go without. We couldnt' afford shoes or our son last year so had to buy a pair of wellies and thats what he wore most of last year.

What also annoys me is she has cats, dogs, rabbits. We cant even afford a pet. If she was that poor you would have to start getting rid of things that aren't needed.

Also, she's got the latest samsung galaxy phone, I've not had a mobile for 4 years because we cant afford it. How can she get the top of the range and also she has contracts for the children. Thats things that could be reduced or stopped.

Why should I have to work my backside off so she can have luxuries such as new phones when we cant. Shes never worked a day in her life and I've worked since i was 15. Been unemployed a couple of times but always trying.

I had to go back to work when my kids were 2 months, shes been able to be at home with all of hers

She has 4 kids t 3 different dads. We'd love another but just cant afford it.

Sorry for going on, rant over. It just make me mad that folk who've never worked get everything and us that both work can barely cover the bills!!

My partner has been diagnosed with 2 very rare and serious conditions that he really could be signed off work or on benefits but he still carries on daily in lots of pain and manages to go out and work

[bednobs]

well mud slinging is hardly going to help - your partner has 4 kids by two different women too!
does he pay a percentage of his wage to her or is it a fixed amount? Does that amount go up with inflation?? Whether you see the kids or not has no bearing upon the fact they have to still eat and be clothed. Are you seriously advocating she should get rid of the girls pets - thats a pretty tough lesson for children!
perhaps you should have thought about his existing responsibilities before embarking on a family of your own?
Obviously you cN'T get blood out of a stone though, but beware, you may find if you don't comply, she'll go to the csa and you'll end up paying more

[numnum]

He pays an agreed amount with her. Then has to pay the £350-£400 on top to cover the cost of travel to us. Then pays for all their Christmas and new school things after the summer holidays.

We'd obviously like to give them pocket money and things like that but we just dont have the money

As for the mudslining, i think we have every right. She dragged her kids when they were toddlers to live with her paedophile stepdad, in a foreign country. She gave my partner 1 days noitce then left the county. He didn't know what was going on. Then the next he was walking down the high street a couple of years later and saw a child that looked he thought looked like his and it turns out they were back. She's moved all over britain, they changed schools 4 times and moved 3 times in the first year we went out.

As for their pets. They admitted when we saw them last that they never walk the dog, nor does the mother so why pay for something they dont care for when that money they spend on dog food, vet bills etc could go on the girls

Me and my partner are still together. She's got a differnt man every year!! Not a very good environment for all the children in her house

We're waiting on the CAB to get back in touch. We're well aware we could end up with no money to feed our own children but if it gets to that stage my partners work are making a lot of redundancies so we'd have to go down that road and look at me expanding my business to earn a decent wage.

So am I meant to sit hear and have no children just because he has been a silly 16 year old boy and got an older girl pregnant!!!

Hopefully we'lll come to an agreement but its very hard to when we have no extra money for ourselves at the end of a month.

[bednobs]

i'm not really saying any of that. Of course you think your partner should put your children first, but the other two were there first, and should have been considered before making 2 more

[Goodsoulette]

The csa do care about children that live with the non resident parent, it reduces the money he should pay. The CSA will put it up if needs be, if she's as awful as you say why is he not going for full custody? I do agree with Bednobs. You need to stop acting like the victim really, you did choose to have children with a man who already had them. Dont pay her more until the CSA tell you to.

[bednobs]

you can bet the amount he pYS her does not cover what it costs for children to exist

[numnum]

I dont feel the victim I just feel its a messed up system where she can get away with doing that to the kids, get more money then we wouldn't be able to afford to get them up for their holidays or pay for xmas because of it and we'd have to make even more cut backs at home and we're on a pretty tight budget already and I cant see how we can cut things anymore

I would say his other kids get put first a lot. Examples of this, my son had to wear wellies for a year because we couldn't afford shoes where we paid for the girls new school uniform shoes etc. my kids xmas money is used for new jackets or shoes they get their xmas money to spent on treats. my daughters birthday is soon, she'll get about £15 on a present for us and granny pays for her little party as her present. His kids £50 each and a £25 present. My kids, no holiday ever, his kids trip to paris paid by us. I'm

We're both working so why should someone who's lived on the dole from the age of 16 get to have 4 kids and me who works shouldn't have any because of this.

we've asked for the kids but they want to be near there mum which is understandable. we wouldn't even have the money to go through a solicitor to get them. the 14 year old also has a boyfriend that her mum says she wont part them. she wont move back here, she comes from the same town because she was the local bike when younger so thats stopping her bringing all her kids here. 2 of the dads are from this area and only one other lives further away. it would make a lot of families happy if she could be closer to 3 of her 4 childrens families. I think when one of them is 16 they might move here so we'll just have to wait

from what i've read up about the csa. they'll take into consideration that you have house and bills, car etc. but they wont take into consideration fueling the car, having to fix the car etc

We sat for about 5 hours the other night and broke every essential payment down to monthly amounts, even things such as MOT, road tax just to get a clearer idea. We both actually got quite a fright. If we were to give her anymore than what she is getting they'd never get to come to their Dads house for holidays, our christmas input would have to stop, other treats would stop.

Also, all it would take is for our car to fail an MOT and maybe need 2 new tyres and that would take us most of the year to save this up which would then mean our lives and the kids lives would be pretty scary to think about.

I worked my backside off to try and get funds together so we could take the girls away for a mini break when they were last here. So I even contribute to treats for them. Its like having to cram a whole year of family days out into a month or 2 weeks or however long we get them for during the holidays

What I was thinking to offer. We've upped her money and we found out that the kids have never had a savings account so all the money thats been sent to them from family for xmas and birthdays haven't been going into an account as thought so I was going to start a savings account so rather than the money going to the Mum the extra money can go in that and we know its going to be for the girls, not their Mums new samsung galaxy x something or other phone!!!!

[kylesmum]

Have you ever sought Legal Aid?

It's not right if your son is wearing wellies for a almost a year as you can't afford shoes for him....

Some busybody will end up reporting *you* to Social Services if you don't reach an amicable agreement soon.

Don't shoot the messenger, that's what will happen. I would also keep the bitterness out and just state facts when you are dealing with a Lawyer or CAB or whoever you go to for practical advice.

I hope for all the kiddies sake the adults manage to get this resolved.

[Goodsoulette]

You really need to have a good long, hard look at your outgoings. You're overspending somewhere drastically. It does not matter what your outgoings are, he is financially responsible for those children and you can do nothing about that.
https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance this will help you decide how much you should be paying, it does make a reduction for your children. Are you, or should you be getting tax credits?