Being Stopped From Seeing My Niece

[Jenarry]

Is there anything I can do?
I have posted about this before but it has all come to a head and i don't know what I can do.
my brother split up with his long term girlfriend last dec,met someone new,they got pregnant and they have just had their baby.
It has been difficult with the ex gf and they have my 8 yr old niece together who my brother has been trying his best to juggle and handle the ex as best he can so he can still spend time with her.
The ex gf has banned my niece from meeting the new gf and new baby and has made it clear to my brother ,my mum and me that she feels like this.
For quite a long time now regardless on how things were with my brother( they had an unhappy on/off relationship for a long time) I have spent time with my niece-going for days out ,spending whole weekends with us.She spent last christmas day and boxing day with us with we all loved and spending other special occasions with us too such as her birthdays,fireworks,halloween. She feels more like a daughter to me and her and my 8yr old son are more like siblings.
The last time I saw her was the last day of the summer hols and I have asked twice recently to see her and I have been told no or ignored.
I was on the phone today to my niece and was arranging to see her and my niece was saying yes but her mother was shouting behind her that she is not going to see me.
She was shouting that she said ages ago that anyone that has anything to do with new gf or the 'thing' (her words) is not going to see her daughter. That we had made our choice so we are not going to see her.
It was very distressing . i told my niece that I hadn't made any choice and that I just wanted to see her and that I miss her and love her.
The ex has never said any such thing to me just that she didn't want my niece seeing them.
She has blocked me on facebook which is no odds to me but that was the way my niece used to get in touch with me a lot which has now stopped. and she told my brother that she has blocked my number too .
I know she is angry and lashing out . she tells my brother when she is angry to say goodbye to his daughter as he will never see her again but then a day or 2 later she will be stuck for someone to have her after school and asks my brother to have her.
She is just one of those people that falls out with people all the time and is quite happy for it to last ages and she is a hard person to deal with but I'm wondering if i can talk her round.
Also my daughter spends and awful lot of time outside so I wonder if i could just turn up there and see her that way.
The social workers have become involved recently with my niece because school staff have become concerned and I think she is now a 'child at risk' mainly due to concerns about the lodger/new bf that lives in the house and alcohol. It is all heart wrenching. It is a difficult time for my niece. There is unsettling things going on in her house and with her dad having a new baby and I am dying to give her some support and normality and her mum is even taking us away from her.
I wonder if I could phone up social services and get their advice and help.

[Jenarry]

my niece spends a lot of time outside that should say.

[anneasquith]

nieces mum is obviously very angry. write her a letter saying you miss your niece and would like to see her and that mum is more than welcome to come with her daughter for lunch/outing.and don't mention/discuss your brother's situation. worth a try.

[ummmm]

I wouldn't phone SS, that will just drive a bigger wedge between you.

It's still early days, she may change her mind in time.

She sounds jealous of your brothers new family.

[Jenarry]

I think it is jealousy. I think even though relationship has been unhappy for a long time she would have him back.
I don't know why I am getting the brunt of it though.
Me and my niece's relationship has always carried on regardless of what her parents relationship is doing and yes I have met new gf and met baby for 1st time today but am I supposed to ignore them?...

[anneasquith]

is this the baby that s,s were involved in ?

[grasscarp]

I second anneasquith suggestion. If she sometimes needs somebody say you are always ready to be approached if needed etc. Hopefully things will get easier and her hurt and anger will lessen. Very best of luck.

[Jenarry]

yes that's right anne. It came very close to ss taking baby off my brother and girlfriend on day 1 but they have been allowed to keep it .All 3 are going to stay at my mum and dad's for between 4 to 8 weeks while they are being assessed.
My mum and dad aren't thrilled at the prospect but felt they had no choice. And I have offered my support too.
So it's been a case of we had to be involved with baby and new gf else new baby would go into care-and at the cost of seeing my niece now. :(

[anneasquith]

thank goodness for parents.

[bednobs]

you have never (quite rightly) explained why the new baby will be at such risk from the mum, but i can see your niece's mother's point. If the new girlfriend is such a risk that a new baby was that close to being taken away on day 1 i don't think i'd want my daughter having the chance of being around her, which in all honesty is what could happen at the moment from her POV.
I think your idea of going out for coffee/lunch with BOTH of them is a good one (and Banning talk of the dad during this time) and the idea of writing with this idea sounds like the only way of doing it.
I think hanging around in the street to see her is a very very bad idea - the niece is bound to mention she's seen you and it would absolutely ruin everything that you have been so sneaky

[Jenarry]

I have reassured and promised ex gf several times that I will follow her wishes when niece comes to me she will only see me,my hubbie and my son so that shouldn't be a factor unless she thinks I will go against my word. In all honesty I don't think it's up to me to interfere like that anyway so my niece won't be meeting my brother's new family thru me. Maybe something I should write in a letter to ex gf.
i would be happy to meet with ex gf and keeping it free from talking about my brother would be no problem-for me anyway . that's how's it's been for a long time due to their on/off relationship. I got fed up of trying to keep track of it so only talked about my niece and maybe my niece's mum's other family.
I'm sure ex gf will be bending my ear about the whole thing though but I would meet if it will sort things out - but it would be doubtful she would want to meet and clear air as she is usually v happy to dwell on things and be angry with everyone but i will give it a go.

[Jenarry]

I am wondering whether my nearly 9 yr relationship with my niece is now over. :( I have had no luck in contacting my niece's mum. I sent a message via one of her older daughter's facebook account about missing my niece and wanting to talk to her (the mum) but had no reply and now daughter has unfriended me too.
it makes me feel sick to think of the times I asked to have my niece over and the mum would snatch my hand off at the offer and say too quickly in front of her own daughter 'do you want her for the whole weekend!' and now she won't even let me see her. :(
I don't know what to do. :(

[China Doll]

You can't 'do' anything. Let dust settle and see what happens.

[woofgang]

I am not sure there is anything you can do. Maybe a loving letter to niece's mum saying that you fully understand her stance and you are there for her and her daughter if ever she needs you?

[Mamyalynne]

Your niece knows how much you care because you have shown her that over the years,you may as China says have to wait it out - she won't be a child for ever.


You could try writing her a chatty letter ( no mentioning disagreements) but have to accept she may not receive it.


The children always suffer when the adults misbehave, so sad.