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Buenchico | 19:11 Mon 29th Dec 2014 | ChatterBank
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. . . the Answerbank New Year's Eve party:

Those of you who are coming by public transport will have received travel instructions from both Dzug2 and Mushroom25. While they will almost certainly be totally different, they should both get you to the venue without any problems but, whatever you do, don't try and follow both sets of directions simultaneously.

Those who who are coming by car will find TWR in charge of the car park. (He'll have his toolbox with him, ready to take care of any minor mechanical problems – and possibly even some major ones – that you might have with your vehicle).

Nailit will be in charge of the cloakroom, taking care of everyone's valuables. (That should prevent him from going on about how society won't give him a chance).

I have never really understood why a New Year's Eve party requires a visit from Father Christmas but it seems to be a tradition, so we're going along with it again. I think that most people will agree that AOG probably wasn't the best choice as Santa last year (although, unlike Sqad the year before, at least he didn't tell the parents that their children all needed psychotherapy for believing in Father Christmas). I think that we've got it right this year by persuading AB's most avuncular figure, SandyRoe, to don the red robes for us.

Looking after the kids for the rest of the time has always been a rather daunting task. (Some of you may remember how Sherrardk had to be led from the room last year, sobbing “I told you that I don't like other people's children!”). However, AB's favourite granny, Caran, has kindly volunteered her services, so everything should be fine.

That leaves Sherrardk free to look after the food. (She's had plenty of experience of catering for large numbers, both when running a pub and in her own home). She'll be ably assisted by Mrs Chappie.

Both JoggerJayne and Gness kindly offered (nay, rushed) to take charge of the booze, but I thought better of it. Instead TonyAv will be looking after the beer-drinkers, with Sunny-Dave and NoMercy sharing the task of serving quality wines.

AnaxCrosswords kindly offered to run the quiz but then I realised that 90% of the people present would have no chance of understanding his clues. So Lie-in King and Bibblebub have jointly set the questions, with Factor-Fiction acting as quizmaster.

AnaxCrosswords will still be busy though, as his band will be providing the live music. (That's partly because they sound quite good on their Youtube videos but mainly because I couldn't think of anyone else who's in a band!).

I think that most people worked out that Dot was a poor choice as DJ for the disco last year, well before she played Garth Brooks's 'Santa Looked a Lot Like Daddy' for the 37th time. This year Mamyalynne will be bringing her vast experience of selecting music to the turntables.

As part of the cabaret, Marval and Carrust will be providing a comedy double-act, which they've described as “better than Morecambe and Wise”. (So that probably means 'marginally better than two dead people').

Naturally, Mrs Overall will once again be the MC. (She's promised to keep her clothes on this year, at least until after the children have all gone to bed).

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Unfortunately Clanad wasn't able to 'borrow' a plane from his employers this year, as he'd hoped to do. (It's not easy to hide a 747!). So we won't be able to provide free transport for Seekerz, 1ozzy, Netibiza, Stuey and other overseas Abers. However they'll still be able to join in the fun via the live stream of the event, kindly set up by Methyl. (He asks that they all provide him with the make, model and serial number of their computer, together with details of its operating system, motherboard, sound card, video card and available browsers, not forgetting information about their ISP, which ports are enabled, their anti-virus software, their firewall and, rather oddly, their mother's maiden name).

Both Eve and Barmaid will be on hand to offer legal assistance when we get the inevitable visit from the police (but I hope that Barmaid won't mention her ASBO to them this year – it led to a lot of confusion last time).

So what have I forgotten?
Well if she's keeping her clothes on, at home I shall stay....
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You actually believe Mrs Overall's promise, Shoota????
Errrr.....ecxushe me.......Hic......!
Humph, I'll join you Shoota!
Bunting?
Chris, thanks for that ( my dream job ), you do understand that all beers served must be sampled by myself first though !.
oh,i will definitely be there,if theres anything I can do to help,just ask..
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Look at it this way, Gness: If you won't be serving the booze you'll have more time to drink it! ;-)

Don't desert us, Psybbo! We need all the help we can get!

Bunting, Lardhelmet? How dare you! I've never bunted in my life!
That's it then, Psybbo and shoota will be drinking a cup of kindness here, all schnuggled up under a blanket on the sofar so good!
You forgot me or was I not invited to volunteer to do something insane? I really don't remember.
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Don't worry, Tony. I'll be there to help you with 'quality control' ;-)

Hi Kate. What are you like at counselling? Lots of people will probably need it by the end of the party ;-)
Brushing off my decks and polishing my cans ♫
Sorry Buenchico, just a suggestion.
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Addendum (which I actually thought I'd typed but see that I didn't):

Pets are welcome this year but Dizmo, who has volunteered to run the 'animal creche' has asked that exotic species are left at home, as he's not very good with crocodiles.
Fan-tastic, I can't wait Chris! Anyone need a lift from Norfolk? I'm leaving yesterday and have room for anyone who believes in the power of "See how far this goes".
Please may I offer my services as a bouncer?
(I've watched WWF, I know the required moves if needs be)

.. holds spangly leotard in hand awaiting instruction

What about more entertainment - some of the usual suspects from News or Religion having a 'debate' about various issues. Maybe make it a team game - verbal sparring only.
Chris......having had a black coffee and re-read that's brilliant....you've made me laugh......!

Please may I bring Mr Gorgeous Builder and his Sax.....SAX!...I said!....☺
Chris, is Minty minding the door ?. and must all offensive weapons be handed in.

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