Is There A Mature Way Of Managing My Frustrations Over Stuff Like This?

[bluefortress]

Guess I just wanted advice, I don't know why but I get really frustrated and angry over things like this, it usually involves my mum - she is forever wanting to change everything. 
 

I have been helping her to set a unit/small shop up for the past several months. We bought some wooden pallets and I stacked them and made a display - it took me a lot of time and effort and I was enjoying buying additions to it. For the past few weeks she has been wanting to take it down and redo that section. I said why not just let the stuff sell first as I've put time into it etc. Today she rang me and told me again that she is going to change it all today, I said well it took me ages to arrange the lights she said she had already taken them down. I told her that she has the rest of the unit to alter if she wants to do something why focus on my small display. I insisted she leave the area I've done for now and she hung up on me and now won't answer her phone. 

Im self reflecting but I don't know how not to get frustrated by it.  It's so typical and nothing new I help her and put effort into things and it all goes to waste. 
 

How can I care less about this stuff? The only solution I see is to not help her at all. It's like she does it on purpose it usually turns into an argument but what's the best way to deal with this? 
 

 

[Redhelen72]

Is it your shop or your mother's?

[bluefortress]

It's both Red

[Redhelen72]

Ok if you are going to make this business relationship work then you need to learn to let it go.

you are getting worked up over something very minor.

how old are you?

[jno]

yu need to agree on who's in charge. If you share responsibility, then one person can't simply override the other - or override a joint decision.

If your mother insists on taking charge, let her, and withhold your own labour as and when you see fit. It sounds like a relationship problem rather than a business one.

[Hazlinny]

There always seems to be something worrying you, Blue.  Let her get on with the setting up - what kind of shop is it?

[nicebloke1]

My guess is if its starts off bad, it will finish bad. Starting off a business large or small, this should be the exciting time for both of you, it don't appear to be that way. 

[bluefortress]

It's just the time and effort put into tasks and going to waste that gets to me red. I'm old enough to know better for sure, have you had a business before

[Redhelen72]

Are you only asking for answers from people who have had a business?

[Redhelen72]

And evidently you are not old enough to know better or else you wouldn't be putting a question on how to manage your frustration with your mother and business partner in chatterbank 

[bluefortress]

I guess there is Haz, or maybe I just post everything online as I don't want to discuss with family/friends- I should stop it. It's  a craft shop/unit with a few toys.

[nicebloke1]

14.43. Partnerships in business can fall apart very quickly, even the best of friends I've seen go their own way, never to see each other or talk to each other again. Family partnerships can be even worse.

[bluefortress]

I just find it hard to talk to family Red without them shouting. I thought with it being a chat section it would be ok, I appreciate your opinion about me though

[Prudie]

I may be way off the mark but your description of stacked pallets decorated with lights sounds like a very personal art piece and opinions on what is good art vary hugely (look at Tracy Emin's bed, won the Turner prize when many thought it was a pile of rubbish). Maybe your mother's vision of what looks like a good display in the shop is very different to yours. At the end of the day this fails due to bad communication between you, nothing said on here will help that.

[bookbinder]

My view is this: walk away from all this. Turn your back, don't get involved. If your mother asks for your help or advice, don't give it. Tell her to do it on her own, and - as you seem to have a share in the business - sell your share.

[bluefortress]

Thanks for the helpful reply jno - I agree there needs to be discussion/organisation over who takes charge 

Going back to age (I think red mentioned it) there has been a family member much older than me walk away upset after trying to help, over stuff my mum said/did. 

Emotional maturity is also required, I'm trying to work on it. Rather than reacting, just learn when to step back and avoid wasted efforts  

 

 

 

[Canary42]

Your Mum seems to be very strong-willed, which trait you've obviously inherited.  It sounds as though she is the one in the shop running the day-to-day business so inevitably she will arrange it how she likes it.  

My Mum used to have a shop and although I built all the dislays etc., she controlled how she used it (much better than I ever could too), I merely carried out any major work if she required it.  She designed, I laboured. That's the sort of relationship you should be seeking IMHO.

As regards your last sentence, it takes two to form an argument, so you do it on purpose too perhaps 😀😁?

 

Good luck, I hope your little venture is a success.

[bluefortress]

Thanks Prudie, she was present all along as I made it. I was going to buy more expensive materials but she said not to. 
 

Communication needs improvement I've said this to her. In fact the first thing she said when she phoned me was 'I'm just letting you know as you say I don't communicate, I'm taking the display down' 

[Canary42]

Priceless ! ! !

[bluefortress]

Cheers Canary, sounds like your business worked quite well. Maybe this is it.. as much as I love designing maybe my role can't really go further than the labour and doing as she says. 

Interestingly my dad wants no involvement in it whatsoever but has recently been persuaded to attend/sit behind the counter for just 2 hours every Saturday.