IM SO FRUSTRATED WITH HIS MIXED SIGNALS!!:(

[ciaraciara]

Ive been friends with this guy for 4 months, we just click, but he had a girlfriend. Even so, I really fancied him, and at times I felt like he liked me in a "more than just friends" way too, like he'd tell me that I sound really like his girlfriend on the phone or that my hair is the same length as his girlfriends, things like that. And he'd keep saying "I've got a girlfriend, I'd never cheat on my girlfriend" when we'd be talking, as if he was trying to remind himself of it. So anyway, in order to prevent myself getting hurt, I just convinced myself to see him as just a friend and that nothing would ever happen between us, and I actually came round to the idea and I really did just see him as a friend. Then about a month ago his girlfriend broke up with him, he seemed pretty cut up about it. But then he seemed to accept it. So I had a party and he came, I still only saw him as a friend, so I was really surprised when he kissed me. But it felt really good, and alll those feelings I had for him just came rushing back. I spent the night in his bed that night and we just had such fun and he told me that all his friends had been saying that we got on so well, why werent we together?? and that if he hadnt had a girlfriend at the start of the year he thought we would have definitely gotten together. Also he'd said that he'd felt like cheating on his girlfriend with me. The next morning he acted a little bit off, as in awkward or something. we all went home for the weekend and the next time we saw eachother we got on so well, it was all back to normal, but then after that lecture he turned to me and said that he'd had a pretty hectic weekend. So I asked him what happened, at this point it was just me, him and another guy friend, and he looked at the other guy while saying "I don't know if you're going to like it" and I immediately guessed "did you get back with your girlfriend" and he said yes.WHY??

[jno]

because he wasn't over her. Catching people on the rebound is always a risky business - even if they really are over their ex, their emotions are probably going to be in a bit of a mess. I'm not saying you did the wrong thing; just that it didn't work out. See where he's at in another month: maybe he'll be firmly back with her, maybe he'll be firmly separated.

[Mosaic]

Sorry, I drifted off partway through....
You have thrown yourself at a love rat. Go out, have fun time and forget about him but learn from the experience.

[Ankou]

it seemed to me that when you were with him as friends, he spent a lot of time talking about his girlfriend. being compared as second best (voice, hair etc) to his girlfriend is not flattering.

i guess he is really 'in' to her and you just have to accept it and move on.

[4getmenot]

because they split up and I;m sorry to say you were rebound and he knew you liked him so he played on that for some comfort while he was at a low from being dumped. Forget him and oneday he may realise he should have chosen you. xx

[sara3]

I think the biggest clue was that he considered cheating on his girlfriend with you. not LEAVING her for you, but cheating on her.

I think you've had a close shave.. pity his girlfriend and don't be there for him the next time he feels like cheating.

[Seadragon]

You should have asked him - 'Did you get back with your EX-girlfriend?' He broke up with his ex a month before he slept with you that night (unless you just spent the night on his bed talking?) and discussing a relationship. You're not quite clear if you were or were not in a sexual relationship with him? But still, I would tell him that he's cheated on you, he's a rat and you wouldn't mess around with someone like he does. Tell him you have self-respect and that his ex-girlfriend is welcome to him.

It will probably be difficult for you as you really dig this guy - but a guy who says that 'I've got a girlfriend, I'd never cheat on my girlfriend.' And also says 'that he'd felt like cheating on his girlfriend with me.' ?

I mean ask yourself Ciaraciara - Is this the kind of guy you really want? Dump him and retain your self-respect.

[ciaraciara]

Thanks so much for all your answers guys! I think I just really need to get over the whole thing and move on. I actually hate thinking about him because I'm just hurting myself more. And no, seadragon, I didnt sleep with him, he kept saying things like I dont want to pressure you and that kind of thing. I wouldnt have slept with him anywa because that would have been just way too easy for him!! Still I keep thinking about him though...Get offa my brain maaaannnnn!!:(

[Ankou]

well that would explain why he was off the next day, he was deffo hoping you had offered it on a plate. and when you didn't he of course went back to the gf.

pleased for you that you have had this lucky escape. best of luck xx

[Old_Geezer]

I think there are some rather harsh opinions expressed above, as some try to empathise with one of the involved individuals only. Both parties have feelings and emotions, and the situation was fraught. The guy in particular feeling in need of comfort after an emotional break up. Ciaraciara allowed her repressed feelings to come to the fore. I don't think one should judge harshly any of those involved, even though in hindsight all could have acted more wisely, were they capable of analysing the situation with a 'level head'.

The reality is that if one has been involved in a partnership for some time, it will take time to accept it has ended. Until then there may be many attempts to heal the problems and get back together again. Having attempted to rush that "mourning" period you have found there are risks involved.

Even if someone who have had long term feeling for does experience problems with their existing relationship, you need to ignore it. At the very least until they are truly accepting of the change in circumstances and they are thinking straight again.

But IMO if someone hasn't jumped at the chance of a relationship with you earlier, then you are probably wasting your opportunities, holding on to the possibility that something might happen in the future. Look out for someone free to appreciate you intimately now and don't compare with fantasies about how much better it would be with someone who's unavailable. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush; and building a real relationship with someone may have difficulties living up to an ideal fantasy one.

[ciaraciara]

I only read your answer now Old Geezer, at this point I've moved on but I'd just like to let you know that your answer is excellent and it will help in the future, thanks!! :)