A question for separated mothers......

[pinkblonde]

How well do you get on with your child's father/mother?

If you are the one with custody of your child, do you find that your ex partner plays too much on being "hard done by" if they can't see your child exactly when they want for as long as they want to?

Also,how long was it before they accepted your new partner as someone in your child's life,or does that never happen?


I'm sorry, this question is not meant to offend anyone.

...It's just that my ex boyfriend and i have a 9 month old daughter,and ever sice he and i split up things have just been so difficult between us.

I admit half of it is my fault,but the way i act towards him is usually in response to his behaviour.
None of what's going on is fair on my child, and i guess what i really want to know is if it gets better??.
Thankyou so much for listening.xx

[pinkblonde]

I'm sorry i meant to put separated PARENTS as the title,not just mothers

[Nosha123]

I guess that deep down - you both actually want to be able to be the best parents to your daughter.. without any animosity.. Only your maturity and ability to put personal arguments aside will see whether you can make it work.

half of it probably is your fault - but the good thing is that you can see that! Many people cant see their own errors and mistakes.

You need to agree to a time table or schedule that you can both stick to regarding access - and if personal arguments keep coming up maybe someone can mediate for you.
Your daughter is still very young... but as she gets older she will be aware of any animosity - and I'm sure you dont want her to then develop issues because the two of you couldnt get on.

Try to rise above it all - and remind yourself to just keep being the best Mum you can

[beso]

It is about respect for the child's rights and my reading of this is that YOU are the central problem.

"YOUR child's father/mother"
"if they can't see YOUR child"
"as someone in your child's life"
"None of what's going on is fair on MY child"

As child has two parents. It will get better when you grow up get over your ignorance.

[B00]

beso- harsh comments there? regardless of whether a child has another parent still around, the primary care giver will always say "my child" when discussing their offspring. What would you prefer them to say instead?

Pinkblonde- you might never be able to get on with your (ooo see? I'm doing it now!) child's father, but eventually you'll get to the stage where you can at least be cvil to each other infront of the child and do your venting out of earshot of said child!

[Notveryhappy]

Totally disagree with Beso...

[daffidazey]

I hope it gets better for you. It did in a way for me, I guess, my ex Husband and I separated, he saw the children once 3 months later, the next I heard was from his solicitor saying he wanted no further contact with them! That was nearly 4 years ago. At the time I never made it impossible for him to see them, he could have had access whenever he wanted and I told him that. They still have regular contact with his family
My children have both stated they never want to see him again and that is entirely up to them.
As for the new partner issue, I can't comment on the ex as I have no idea what he thinks although he knows about my partner through his family. His family had no issue with my partner whatsoever, he makes the children happy so they are happy.
I hope it will all work out for the best for you. Just try to remember, however you feel about him he is your Daughter's Father and sometimes you may just have to bite your tongue for her sake. Good luck x

[Fish the Mod]

I split with my wife after I found out that she was seeing a work friend in secret. I left our home in which she can keep because the law states that until my 9 year old is 18, he must remain there with her as long as she can afford the remaining morgage. Like you, everything was difficult at the start, I couldnt bear to look at her in the eyes and when ( I still do now) make that daily call to my son and we speak about his day, I end up in tears and I just want to punish my wife. My wife and her family just shut up shop and remained silents in the hope everything would blow over. A year later, I feel so much better, all I can say is that you have done the right thing by asking for help and that you must keep doing. We dont have partners ( not that i know off ) so I cant answer that part. Regarding our son, we dont have set weekends. I talk to my wife once a week and plan our sons diary. If you need to meet and discuss anything, get someone to babaysit and do your talking in the/park/ street. You wont upset the child and less likely to shout your heads off in public Your daughter even at this age will pull you through it.