I Bought

[marval]

I bought some dog biscuits yesterday. Labrador flavour.

I came third at the National Tanning Championships. I got bronze.

I used to work at a garage that had a jet wash. It was pointless, there was nowhere for them to land.

I have just been to watch a swimming gala. Craziest thing I ever did see, an apple doing the backstroke

I hate working in a posh school.
Roll call is the worst. “Tarquin” “Sir” “Wilton” “Sir” “Emency” “Sir” “Tarquin Wilton Emency Phillips Boucher! Please stop interrupting me!”

I recently bought a little shop in Blackpool selling candy and sandwiches. I’m living my life on rock and roll.

I stayed in a hotel across the road from an abattoir once. My view was offal.

If I was a superhero, I’d be Aluminum Man. My superpower would be foiling crime.

I tried to read a book today on the history of sellotape. But I couldn’t find the beginning.

I have worked hard through tough times at a vegetable company, so my boss gave me a celery increase.