Do Fathers have ANY rights ???

[MustangLady]

I'm writing this as I do not know who to turn to,didn't know if Law or Family was correct Topic either.Basically,my brother has a little girl now 6 yrs old& he's been fighting for rights to see her for number of yrs.First he managed to get couple of hours visiting rights with mediation.For over a yr now,he manages to see his daughter once every fortnight for overnight w/end stay. He has always stuck rigidly to the timings allowed as he doesn't want to jeopardise the visits.He bows to everything the mother says or asks for,as again he doesn't want to lose his child or the rights to see her.He has had social worker visiting his home to check where daughter will be staying(her insistance),they were more than happy with him.The mother of my niece has done everything possible to make things extremely hard for him,falsely accusing him(which has been proven to be incorrect)of a number of things, from starving his child,keeping her in dirty clothes,him sleeping around,to abuse.Everything to put stop to or delay the court hearings or visiting rights. He had a solicitor fighting for him but they recently dropped the case(haven't quite got to bottom of why this is).He has applied for another solicitor which is being sorted out on 19th March.He has in the past,had court orders in place for visits etc.He was suppose to have had his daughter this past weekend &when he went to pick her up,was told by the mother he wasn't going to get her that w/end as she now accusing him,once again of starving her! His cupboards are full,he loves cooking proper meals & I've been to dinner with them on occasions to be able to spend time with her myself.He tries so hard to keep his cool but finds it harder each time to do this,he will not bite with her as he doesn't want his daughter to see any conflict between them.She is constantly the one raising her voice,being argumentative etc.He today got another letter from her solicitor &he's finding it so hard to cope. He's becoming withdrawn, depressed &sometimes I'm scared what he might do(to himself I mean).She is making his life literally hell.It appears that fathers have no rights at all,all the mother has to do is accuse him of something & all visiting rights are cancelled or postponed until he can prove otherwise.He has been to mediation with her but with all she accuses him of just makes him so angry,he ends up crying when he leaves,out of frustration.It's now got to stage that mediation isn't even working,as he now refuses to be in the same room as her.Our Family have suggested he speaks with a Dr or someone about the stress this is causing him,we are all so worried about him.He is due to get married in April to a lovely girl he has been with for 2 yrs now,she is very understanding & tries to help all she can.His daughter adores her &she is very close to his daughter.I think this is not helping the fact surrounding the visiting rights.The mother of his daughter is still single &I think jealous that he is in happy relationship.The situation is being stressful all round,we all don't know what to say or do anymore to help him.This isn't just hurting him but his daughter too.His ex doesn't know about the forthcoming wedding yet (at least we don't think so).It has been arranged to coincide with a w/end he is due to have his daughter,she is suppose to be flower girl,but the way things are going she may not be able to come.If anyone saw the letters etc he got from her solicitors,some absolutely ridiculous,then they would side with him I sure.But it seems that 'mothers' have every right these days & fathers have little or none.He will not lower himself to her standard &accuse her of things,as it will not do his daughter any good (his words).His daughter loves seeing her dad,he plays with her,takes her to parks,visits family,spends quality time with her all in the little time he has.She is all over him when they are together, smiling&happy. Any advice anyone, please!! Thanks for reading,had to get off my chest.

[EDDIE51]

A difficult situation but unfortunately one which is too common.
The best people to help are 'Familys need Fathers' here is a link to thier web site, they have a free advice and help line. Please let us know how he gets on

http://www.fnf.org.uk/

[ojread2]

oh wow, hard to read and I dont have time at the mo to look so hard at it but .... yes

He has automatic parental rights *if* he is on the birth cert (all fathers do from Dec 2003 if named as such on birth cert)
He has a right to take her to the dr, see school reports, go to parent evenings, OK any medical treatment, take her on holiday etc etc but ONLY if he is named

[MustangLady]

@ojread; When his daughter was born (they had already split up), he was named on birth certificate, then she denied he was the father a few months later (by then she got with another guy and said he was the father). My brother has a DNA test done, as she was still on his back for 'contributions towards the baby', it was proven to be his daughter. He lost his job but still contributed although not as much as it was, she wasn't happy obviously, this when problems between them got worse. She then split with her boyfriend. She's had few other boyfriends since but still not settled down properly. This I think has made her hold a bigger grudge because he is now settled and in happy relationship. Unfortunately the 'rights' of a father don't hold up if trhe mother is accusing him of allsorts. He has no chance of holidays away with her, the timings are nearly always thrown out when she decides she wants to change the weekends. It seems he has no say in anything these days, she holds all the cards so to speak!

[MustangLady]

Thank you Eddie51, I'll check out the website and let my brother take a look. Appreciate any advice/help we can get now.

[ummmm]

That's sad but very true. I watched my Uncle go through years of court cases to see his daughter. She accused him of loads of stuff. Beating the child...sex abuse...neglect. Each time he had to take her to court.....and it cost him a fortune.

I really don't know what can be done about it.

[MustangLady]

Thanks ummmm, just nice to get it off my chest too. He cries down phone to me sometimes, just wish there was more can be done, wish fathers had just as many rights as mothers in these cases but appears not. I sympathise with your uncle, knowing what he had to go through.

[ojread2]

he was named on the birth cert, he has rights and he has as much as the mother.

All I can suggest is your son gets a good solicitor and get him/her to enforce his rights and to only communicate via the solicitors acting on both behalves.

[EDDIE51]

Once you start on the solicitors there is no end to the cost.
Unfortunately no court or solicitor in the world can force a mother to allow the father access if she does not want it to happen. The mother can always find an excuse as to why the visit or whatever can not happen. There is no legal aid available for this type of case now and a solicitor will charge £50 upwards just to send a letter. I have personal expierience of this, my daughter was involved in a residence battle over her daughter. It was costing up to £250 just for the solicitor to send a letter. In the end they said if we wanted to take it further we had to find £10,000 deposit just to start a court case.
By far the best way is to get someone to try to mediate between the 2 parents, that is where 'families need fathers' can help. They will try to talk to both sides and get a sencible arrangement in place. At the very least it gives the Dad a chance to talk to someone who has been through the same thing and try to suggest ways forward. Another idea is to talk to the CAB , again they have legal advisors whose adviceis free.

[momcj]

If there are court orders in place for him to see his daughter, she can not stop this, if he does not have solicitor at mo could write to court direct and say she is going against the legal contact order. She could get into trouble for breaching the order

[cathfromsaron]

difficult situation and i advise him to contact a fathers' support group, if there is one in his area! women like that make my blood boil!

we are fighting against a genuinely violent person, and court time-wasters like her give all concerned people a bad name!

[Barmaid]

I am speaking here as a step parent who is going through something similar and not as a lawyer.

Firstly, your brother should take solace from the fact that your average judge in these matters is not stupid. IF she is failing to stick to Court orders, get him to make an application to the Court. He can act in person. He does not need a solicitor. With the cuts in Legal Aid, Judges are used to dealing with parents in person.

Secondly, get your brother to keep contemporaneous notes of everything. What he does with his daughter, what he feeds her, when etc etc. Contemporaneous notes are incredibly powerful in COurt.

Thirdly, he must keep his cool. This woman is intentionally pressing his buttons to secure a reaction. He must not react. Whatever provocation he is put to, he must never react.

Fourthly, he must see his doctors. The stress he is being put under is monumental. He should accept counselling or pills as are prescribed.

Your brother is doing the right thing in not entering a tit for tat argument. Judges see this and know this. Solicitors do what they are told by clients. Try to keep calm. Fathers DO have rights and the court recognises this. The reason I know this is not due to any legal experience (I don't do family), but because I have supported a litigant in person through something similar and the Judge has never yet sided with mum.

[Jenarry]

my partner has had this problem too with his ex making it so very difficult to see his two boys. accusing him (and then me too) of all sorts of things.
He is working so he had to pay thousands to a solicitor to get it to court and after a yr of dealing with solicitors and social services he was finally granted access on alternate weekends which the ex allowed to happen for a few weekends before stopping my bf from seeing his boys again.
You would think a court order would have some weight to it but it turns out there wasn't alot he could do when she stopped the access bar going back to the solicitors and back to court etc...
it does seem like mothers hold all the control and cards in this situation and if they don't want dad to see his children then there isn't much in place to make her do otherwise. the system needs changing.
solicitors do well out of it and the csa seem very efficient at getting money out of the dad to contribute to his children but nobody cares whether he actually gets to be a part of their lives. :O( :O(

[ojread2]

I agree Eddie but, courts can stop the mother behaving this way
She could be prosecuted for a start

[EDDIE51]

To those who advocate going down the court orders route, what do you actually think the court could do to enforce the order?
Fine the mother ? she would not pay
Forcibly remove the child ? Unthinkable, could never happen.
I the cold hard world of reality there is nothing they can do if the mother (0r the father) is determined it will not happen.
All very well saying 'get a court order' but what happens when the mother simply refuses to act on it or even acknowledge it's existence ?
Possibly someone with legal knowledge could let us know, because I for one would love to have this information.

[momcj]

I think it says they can use community service as a punishment but how often this would/has been enforced, im unsure.

[MustangLady]

Thank you all so much for your answers and understanding of this very difficult situation. Quite rightly he has had court orders before, they basically could do nothing when the mother said 'no' when he went to pick his daughter up. They threaten her with community service or custodial sentence, she basically laughs at the courts, nothing has ever happened ... my brother doesn't really want this either as it would affect his daughter and again he doesn't want any grudges or anything to jeopardise future visits. I will be showing my brothers all your replies just to let him realise he isn't the only one going through all this, I think he feels so alone in what he is going through, each time coming up against a brick wall. Thank you all for your support and understanding.

[tonywiltshire]

There has been a problem for some time with contact orders the resident parent (often but not always the Mother) ignores contact orders with the non-resident parent (often but not always the Father) and seems to get away with it, often by sending out the child or children at the time of the contact and not responding to the non-resident parent, claiming the child is not well at every contact, the child is on a school trip, does not want to go etc.

Things are improving consistent breeches of contact orders can be contempt of court, which could result in imprisonment but the paramount consideration is the welfare of the child so imprisonment could be difficult, as may be community service or fines.

Courts have heard all the excuses resident parents make many times and are getting tired of persistent offenders who flout the contact order and will now impose sanctions, for it may be in the childs best interest to see both parents. From December 2008 Warning notices can be issued with contact orders, things are improving, but very slowly.