My altered version:
I am a maiden who is forteen,
And a maiden I shall stay.
There are some who call me haughty,
But I care not what they say.
I wanted a chimpanzee party
At my school today,
So I called Jim’ll fix it
In my usual jolly way
When suddenly, I knew not why,
There came a funny feeling
Of something crawling up my thigh!
I nearly hit the ceiling!
A mouse! I thought. How foul! How mean!
How exquisitely tickly!
Quite soon I know I'm going to scream.
I've got to catch it quickly.
I made a grab. I caught the mouse,
Now right inside my knickers.
A mouse my foot! It was a HAND!
Great Savile! It was just like the vicar's!