Relative With Alcohol Problem

[breadstick]

Hi,


i have a relative who is downing a bottle of brandy a day and has been for a number of weeks now, they will ask me to bring them a bottle back to them and i really dont want to do this but i worry if i dont they will attempt to drive to the shop and end up killing themselves or someone else

they say they will stop but they never do


i really dont know what to do :(

[daffy654]

Refuse anyway. The person is probably relying on your guilt over what might happen to make you get the booze with no argument.

[FredPuli43]

Don't do it. If the person wants it that badly, they can get it themselves or have it delivered. There's no reason why you should help them kill themselves; which is what they are doing. If they want to do it, then fine.

They will get angry at being denied the service, but don't worry. That is the bottle talking. At that stage the booze is taking over their lives, but they won't stop unless they accept the fact. Nobody can take them out of denial. Only they can do that.

[annieigma]

Terrible situation, no help from medical people seems available, just a bit of support for the relatives. Doctors are pretty useless with this, and, i am afraid to say this, the only stopping point is normally when the person becomes ill and sick, then sobers for a while and promises not to drink again, until they feel better, then it starts again. there is a drug, called "antabuse/disulfram" which , if the patient is willing, will make them sick and ill if they drink any alcahol, and sometimes gives the respite needed for them to realise what they are doing when they drink, but, from experience the only stopping point is the person them selves wanting to lead a normal life. sometimes, this means they will be alcahol dependant, and need to drink every day, but it can be contained to just evenings and just enough to make them satisfied. difficult situation, and a horror to live with, but realise it is an illness, and seeking help from professionals, starting with your GP, may help, but there is no quick answer, they write letters, consult etc. and leave you to try your best to do the right thing and have all the worry. As for buying them the stuff, and not letting them drive the car, it's a catch 22. if they drive and get arreasted, they mat sober up, but if they drive and injure someone, then you will feel guilty. best to buy them the booze and hope they get sick. I know people will disagree, but those who have lived with it will understand.

[anneasquith]

actually annie, I agree re buying the alcohol, because they will access it somewhere or from someone else, you are in a dreadful situation.

[annieigma]

Hi Annie asq,
i know from first hand experience, and its a nightmare, trying to hide it from people, unless you have been there, you don't undestand.

[anneasquith]

annie, I didn't mean to come across as not understanding.

[woofgang]

You are damned if you do and damned if you don't and either way is going to lead to pain for you. Logically if you don't buy it then they won't be drunk when they drive for it. If you don't want to buy it (and I understand why you might not) then you might like to suggest mail order or a supermarket delivery as an alternative. Do they pay you for the brandy? If they don't and the money is an issue for you, it would be for me, then you could decline on those grounds. My experience (professional) is that whatever you do, this can't end well as things are.

[boxtops]

I wouldn't buy it....

[annieigma]

anneasq, No, sorry, I didn't mean that, I was just pointing out to everyone that few people understand, they think a drunk is funny, but its not when its every day, all day, and the real person has gone, and some strange person takes over the body. Frustration and despair. wish it on nobody.

[Old_Geezer]

You could end up feeling guilty either way, depending on the outcome.

I don't think I could advise helping them abuse themselves that way. If what you are thinking of doing seems wrong to you then don't do it. If that means someone else does something that ends up badly then that is their responsibility rather than yours. Easy to say I know but it seems the lesser of two evils to me.

However the crux of the issue is why they feel the need to drown themselves in alcohol like this. What happened a few weeks ago ? Maybe they need talking to and encouragement to tackle whatever the issue is.

[anneasquith]

someone who is drunk can be funny,,,,,,,,,,,,,someone who is an alcoholic is not in the least bit funny. id just hope they become too ill to continue consuming so much alcohol that they may be admitted to hospital. but as I say, if you don't get it , they will find another way of getting it. would they compromise and try a half bottle per day ?

[pastafreak]

I wouldn't buy them the booze. You would be enabling them,and giving them your permission and approval to drink. This just allows the situation to continue-with your help. If you don't buy it for him,then he needs to take control...whether for good or bad. As it stands now,he can tell himself that he's not buying the drink...you are. Its out of his hands then.

[annieigma]

Woofgang, you say you are a professional, but once again i doubt if you have lived with it. they do not sober up, then think" I'll pop out and buy some booze"
what happens is, the are completely in another world,they run out of booze, and while still totally under the influence, they decide they need more. if they sobered up, they wouldn't be a worry about driving, and you could talk to them. once again, this is not just people who like a drink
this is addicted, couldn't care less people, who are normally smashing people.

[annieigma]

Old geezer, Its not a something in your life problem, its just a craving in the brain for booze. it happens to the poor, the rich, those who have problems, those who don.t. After reading the replies on here. once again, if you haven't been there, you do not understand. I do, so if you need some support, let me know and I will try to find the right avenue to go down. ( not you old geezer, breadstick or anyone)

[woofgang]

Annie I get that bit, I really do, but buying and taking a bottle a day wont solve that and won't keep him home when he wants more. No I have never lived with it it's true but I have seen enough of what it does to families and individuals.
Do you think the op should carry on buying and taking?

[woofgang]

Oh sorry, I reread thread, you have said to carry on supplying...well there we differ.

[Old_Geezer]

Ah but annieigma, breadstick states this is a recent change of events. A bottle of brandy a day for a number of weeks. There was no suggestion I noticed that it has been going on for years, which implies to me a recent problem.

[pusskin]

i wouldnt buy them any drink, but would be willing to sit for hours and listen to how i think i could help them.