Be Brutally Honest: What Do You Think Of The First Few Paragraphs Of My Ya Fantasy Novel?

[Tai_G]

Now that I've finished writing my YA dark fantasy novel, I'm wondering what other people think of the first chapter. I posted the first few paragraphs of the first chapter (NOT all of it) and I want to know if you wold continue reading. What do you think of the writing style?

http://www.wattpad.com/64568666-the-bane

[kvalidir]

Okay for me the subject matter was interesting enough but too much too soon in terms of characters etc. Some passages could be taken several ways and it's rather 'American' in writing style which on a personal level doesn't appeal to me much but lots of US writers are very successful, so that's purely a personal thing. Your style is slightly reminiscent of Stephen King, 'Christine' in particular and on the whole I like the story and would happily read more but flesh it out a bit and go slower, it's sounding more like a one shot fan fic at the moment and less like a novel but I think it ha promise and you write well and descriptively.

[atalanta]

Suggest you change the title since "Precious Bane " is a well-known novel by Mary Webb. Suggest you do not use the present tense, as many people hate reading novels written this way, and will reject the book as soon as they open it. It also makes it terribly difficult to describe things which happened before the main action.
Diseases which wipe out much of the population of the world have been used in science fiction again and again. The plot so far is not original.