confused

[robunibumuk]

so here's the story.....in january i broke up with my long term g/f as we both thought we'd grew apart. we both have lived the single life since (as you do). at easter her grandad died and not wanting to make things more awkward i only text her and send her a bouquet of flowers to let her know i was thinking of her. i have since found out that she expected me to be there for her. in june without any contact for two months i emailed her on her to wish her a happy brithday and then the day after i received a drunken phone call telling me that id made her day. she went travelling in america in july/aug for 6 weeks and b4 she went i text her to wish her a good time and to be safe. se rang me and we talked for half an hour, she told me she stil loved me and me the same to her. i said maybe we can sort out things when she gets back, she agreed on maybe. she got back last weekend and i text her two days after asking how it went and if i could take her out for a drink. she agreed and on thurs we went out, just as friends. we both agreed it was like we had never been apart but she said that she'd thought in the US that there's no way we could get back and she just wanted me in her life as a friend. i was devastated but its something. she also said that she was scared of not finding someone like me, who loved her as much as i did and wrote her poems etc. the next day i sent her a poem and she emailed me to say it was the nicest one id ever written for her and made her cry. then on sat night when i was out with friends i received a text which said that she had thought of me none stop since thurs and that she'll always love me. i text her back and then ended up being back on her doorstep with her talking and kissing for two hours, but still the friends answer from her. i dont know what to do. is she just confused? is she playing hard to get? what do i do now? i really want her back!!

[pinkiefriend]

Well my friend, i would hit her with it face on.  Tell her that you love her and would love to make her happy and be together but that she is causing you upset because you dont know where you stand.  I would tell her all your feelings and ask her if she thinks you both could make a go of it.  If she say's no then i sould suggest keeping your distance for a while, just so you can get your head together and move on.  Staying in touch could turn out a big game of cat and mouse, if you know what i mean. 

[Englishbird]

oh sweetheart, it's made me really sad reading that. (I seem to be crying over everything at the moment, but still).  Obviously without knowing either of you, it's an impossible thing to really say what you should do.  Simply on gut reaction from what you've read I think she's being very honest with you and although it's not the answer you want from her, I think you have to accept that it is her answer.  She loves you and will always love you, but she feels that there is something missing from the relationship that means it will never work long term.

I think she's terrified of letting you go, and terrified of hurting you.

If you really wanted to try and win her back, i'd suggest keeping a bit of distance and be seen to be going out and getting on with your own life.  Us girlies don't like something that is on a platter, there has to be an element of effort to win something worth having.

The only thing is that that may constitute game playing, and i think maybe you think too much of each other to go down that road.

I know it's almost impossible, but i feel that maybe you need to hear her and accept that for now at least it's not going to happen.

Best of luck x x

[DJKC]

I would lay off the txt keep your distance, then you'll find out if she wants you. If she does she 'll come chasing.

[Kingaroo]

You say you are confused
She is confused too - not playing you, just feeling conflicting feelings, just as you are
You keep showing up and being the nice guy she remembers loving, but, as Englishbird suggests, maybe she feels there is something missing that means the relationship just won't work out.
I suggest you concentrate on the unhappiness right before you broke up. What was going wrong? Just for her or for both? If you get together, the same problem will surface.