Are You An Artist?

[sunny-dave]

I'm about as art competent as a housebrick - but 2017 is going to be the year I break through to fame and fortune.

With this generator behind my descriptions, I am convinced I can sell anything I produce ...

https://artybollocks.com/#abg_full

[Buenchico]

You'll obviously need this link, Dave ;-)
http://www.artscouncil.org.uk/funding/applying-grants-arts

[Jackdaw33]

I'm a p*** artist. Can I get a grant?

[jourdain2]

No, Jack.

[sunny-dave]

"As shimmering derivatives become clarified
through emergent and personal practice,
the viewer is left with an insight
into the outposts of our condition"

Turner Prize material I think.

[DTCwordfan]

'the patina of the porphory of ancient Cornish feldspars, the granular and phaneritic texture of local granites or even the superb durability and aesthetic appeal of Delabole slates bring a sense of timelessness, uniqueness and placidity to my drawings of Cornish houses, its inns, engine houses, and churches, the inspiration fuelled by the tutelage of Leonard Fuller and the looseness and individuality of Carter, Pearce and even the primitiveness of Wallis serving to inspire continuity - and sales'

[jourdain2]

"The bleakly beautiful sweep of the fertile fields of the Wolds, soaring upwards in their ancient patterns, swirling around the Neolithic landscape awaiting the piercing first shoots of green to rekindle their unending fertility."

I can wait for the prize - some keen competition here. All I did was look out of the window - dark of course, but I imagined the rest. Quite true actually.

[jourdain2]

I've been writing for years - one day I'll learn how to internet publish!

[campbellking]

I visited an art museum in Ottawa several years ago and overheard much rollocks spoken by a guide to some enthralled visitors about how the painting they were looking at was indicative of the suffering of man - the painting was 3 vertical stripes.

[DTCwordfan]

I've published this before.....

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

[jourdain2]

Like it! I was once in Confolens about 1.45 p.m. , parked and happened to glance upwards. The shutters, were, of course, open, and lunch (le dejeuner)
completely re-interpreted in my mind!

[HansUrbancka]

A lot of modern art is rubbish:-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/3604278.stm

Hans.