Pre-marital sex

[rico35]

Does anyone feel concerned about the prevalence of premarital sex as I do?

I was engaged to my wife (then my fiancee) for about 4 years and we did not have sex until our wedding night, during our honeymoon. It was the first time for us both and it was very memorable.

I know in this day and age, it is almost a taboo to talk about saving sex for marriage, but I strongly believe it is still a good old fashion way of respecting our bodies and staying faithful

[kick3m0n]

LOL. the question does make a few assumptions...eg that you believe in marriage in the first place! I've been with my partner for 17 years but we've no intention of getting married and I can assure you we're not celibate!

it's fine for those who hold these values, each to their own etc, but I think it's an outdated attitude (and I'm 35) and not really a practical way to move forward in society. As you say rico....it's old fashioned. Young people can have respect for their bodies and be faithful to each other while still enjoying sex for the fun and exciting activity that it is (just as I have done since I was 16).

[kick3m0n]

p.s. not sure why waiting till you get married to have sex would ensure you stay faithful. Run that by me???

[Billi]

I think everything is down to choice. People have to do what they are comfortable with and what they believe to be morally or religiously right. We just have to respect that everyone is different.

Just because you have sex before marriage doesn't mean you don't respect your body. Equally waiting to have sex until you are married doesn't mean you are prudish.

You are lucky that you met someone who felt the same as you. The same as I was lucky I met someone who felt the same as me - that it is not necessary to save sex until you are married.

[teag1rl]

Whilst I respect your belief, I find your comment that you are 'concerned about the prevelance of pre-marital sex' a bit odd. Why should how other people have sex concern you? I could go on, but Kick3m0n's covered most of my thoughts on the subject esp with regard to the theory that not having sex before marriage is supposed to make you faithful. How does that work??

[Quizmonkey]

The thought of comitting to a 'lifetime' with someone without having slept with them is mind-boggling. If anything is going to threaten compatibility surely it's leaving this little 'unknown' to the wedding night???!

[noxlumos]

hi rico, I'm happy for you that this way has worked out so well but it doesn't always.Suppose you ended up being totally sexually incompatible with your partner and you'd waited until you got married to find out? That'd be a huge disaster.My first wife waited until after we were married to enlighten me to the fact that she didn't really want to have sex, despite the fact she didn't seem to object prior to getting married, and it was one of the things that ultimately led to the failure of our marriage. My second wife and I knew each other mentally and physically inside out so surely that's a better basis for a relationship with the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with?

My first wife's attitude to sex led me to find it elsewhere so I can't really agree with you that it helps you stay faithful, quite the reverse.

[bex401]

I respect your choice,each to their own,but I could not make that choice myself,for many reasons,the main one being what if it turns out that you are not sexually compatible.I know sex is not the be all & end all of a relationship,but it plays a major part in the dynamics of it and that could lead to big problems.

[bex401]

Sorry,Noxlomus,you beat me to it,I am in total agreement with you!!!

[Pippa68]

nox ~ my husband went through the same thing with his first wife! funny thing was, after they got married she wouldn't have sex with him but she would with others..hmmm..seems like a very strange mental disorder!

We got together 11 years ago & got married last year. Of course we lived together all that time & had lots of lovely sex too :o) my hubby was scared that if we got married it would stop (it hasn't). Anyway, I am in complete agreement with all the posts made in favour of sex before marriage. Sex is a very important part of a relationship, & a religious person must agree as it is written in the bible (personally I believe that this means a committed relationship, not neccesarily a marriage)

Ok I do know that sex may die down a bit as you get older, but that is usually a mutual thing. You have to be compatible in the bedroom department for a relationship to work from the beginning ~ this could mean both of you want it or neither of you do!

[Pippa68]

Forgot to add....what's all this about not respecting your body? if you are talking about promiscuity then that is a totally different subject to sex before marriage.

[loobie]

I actually think that people who wait to have sex are more likely to go experimenting elsewhere to find out if they are missing something. I have had some very bad sex in the past and I absolutely could not spend my life with someone who isn't sexually compatible with me. Luckily I have a fantastic compatibility with my boyfriend who I know I will go onto marry (it's just a matter of not affording house, wedding etc that we are not married - I am only 23).

Sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship but it is a damn important factor and the thought that my bloke is fab at it brings a smile to my face

[JudgeJ]

Nothing really to do with the question - on which (it may come as a surprise to some!) I�ve no particular views. More to do with general attitudes.

Some of the answers to this question suggest that if something is �old-fashioned� it is ripe for abandonment simply on those grounds. Particularly kick3m0n: �outdated�..�not a practical way to move forward���old-fashioned�.

What sets humans apart from other animals is that we have the benefit of the learning of our predecessors available to us. Not just of our immediate predecessors, but of the many generations before them. This is because we can read and write. Other animals do not have this advantage and are limited to what can be passed on to them by the members of their species alive at the same time as them.

Many human traditions and practices have built up and developed over a long period � many generations. All of our ancestors, believe it or not, faced problems in their lives and found solutions. We are not the first to do so. A number of their solutions have been handed down in the form of customs, traditions, practices and laws. In the last twenty or thirty years, people have abandoned many of these simply because they consider them dated, without thinking why they may have come about in the first place.

For hundreds of years marriage was considered acceptable and almost necessary. Relatively recently it has been all but abandoned. (And this is only one example of what I am talking about � there are many others). Are we that much more intelligent that we can afford to discard the learning accumulated by all of our ancestors?

[kick3m0n]

I didn't suggest that purely because it was old fashioned, that Ricos suggestion was ripe for abandonment. It is also ripe for abandonment because it is incompatible with peoples views on marriage, because it does not recognise that sex is no longer the taboo or shameful subject that it once was, because it is based on incorrect or unquantifiable assumptions (respect for our bodies, staying faithful) and because it assumes we all hold values similar to Ricos.

I wholeheartedly agree that we can learn a huge amount from our past, but I also believe that we develop and progress and things that were once cast in stone in society do not deserve to be retained or preserved solely because they are old. Old is not necessarily bad, but then, neither is modern. I think the crux is that every individual should be encouraged to find what suits them best, and be allowed to embarce that, without feeling pressure to do what the majority of society deems to be acceptable.

[Bohne]

No, I do not feel concerned abuot it at all.

It really never crossed my mind to 'save' sex for a marriage.

But I suppose as long as both of you were happy with it, it's perfectly OK!

[Richie1976]

What if you wait till your married, only to find out that they're rubbish?

[JudgeJ]

Agree entirely kick3m0n -just wanted to test everyone's thinking!

So long as we evolve in a controlled manner that can only be good. I was mistaken in believing you were kicking out everything old simply on the grounds of age. You've clarified your view very eloquently. Thanks!

[kick3m0n]

JudgeJ - thanks, you've made my day. Haven't been told I'm "eloquent" in a long time. Nice to have some thought provoking debate ...I shy away from many of the serious threads these days as it can all get a bit intense, but you seemed open to another pov. cheers.

[malaise]

No, I'm not concerned by it. It's normal.

Concerned by promiscuity, yes, but marriage has hee-haw to do with it.

[nannon]

i thought sex was one of the most natural things in the world. If your with someone you love truly, married or not, would you not want to be close to them in every way including intimitley and physically??

but if were happy and she was happy and your happily married then it doesnt really matter does it?! Each to their own.

But my god did sexual fustration not drive you to insanity?!!!

[Champagne]

Once I got the taste of sex there was no way I was going back to being celibate!!!