I have brought this issue up on the other site

[Lisa1983]

'ChatterBank' and have been given encouragment about going to America with a job swap. I'll be away for about a year and i'm looking so forward to it, the thing is my son who was all for it as soon as he heard my good news has told me he now wants to stay here with his grandparents (my parents) and i still very much want to take the opportunity which has been given to me.I've been given the chance of a lifetime and don't not want to turn it down. I'm confused on what to do, i don't want to leave my son but on the otherhand know he'll be fine here. Would i be a bad mother if i took this job opportunity?

[ladyalex]

How old is your son ?

[Lisa1983]

15

[ladyalex]

I am quite certain that you would NOT be a bad mother. You would be going away for a year, not abandoning him.
You would be leaving him with people that you completely trust ,who love him and whom he loves.
You will be taking up a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and he has been given the choice to go or stay.
Presumably if he changed his mind he could join you later.
E-mail, Skype, MSN Messenger and doubtless many other means of communication are open to you so you can be in touch cheaply every week or even every day.
Just think how much you would regret it if you turned this chance down...and would you perhaps resent him for it later? That is to be avoided at all costs.
Go for it.

[Lisa1983]

Thanks for your kind response ladyalex, i feel so much better for it.

[Im a BusyBee]

i have always put my 2 children first, although with nothing as major as this, they have grown into lovely, sensible adults (now 20 + 21) and i would still put them first but considering their age i tell myself to ask myself these questions 'would they do that for me?, would they put themselves first or consider me in such a decision?, and at their age (which i know is a few years older) would it really make so much difference to them?' I think a year is actually quite a short time considering a 'lifetime' im sure he would be fine. go for it.

[4getmenot]

I dont think I could leave a 15 yr old myself but this doesnt make you a bad mum if he is in good hands and if its only a year. But have you thought that in that year you may meet someone and makes lots of friends that you might not want to leave, what will you do then if your son wont come to America

[4getmenot]

Yer stay it obviously did do Isaac alot of harm. Turned him into a right pr@t

[newtron]

Your son is 15. You can make him come with you to the US. The experience would probably be good for him, and if he doesn't like it, he can move back in a few years. Obviously, there are many factors to consider, but forcing him to come with you is an option. I don't think he is old enough to legally make decisions like this.

[Eve]

Would moving with you disrupt his schooling and friendships at the age though?

[newtron]

I live in the US. We moved to a different state (I know it is not quite the same as moving abroad) when I was 14, and at that age I never event thought that I could ask to stay with my grandparents. I was not legally an adult. So I went wherever my family went. When I turned 18, I moved back the state where we originally lived.

As I said, there are many factors to consider, including the impact on his friends and schooling. Personally, I don't even remember what I was doing when I was 15, and I hardly talk to any friends I had at that age.

[newtron]

I just reread your question and realized that you are only going to be there for a year. Take him with you! He'll be fine.

[chappie]

I say let him stay with your folks if they are agreeable and that's what he wants.

And in my opinion, if it suits him and your parents (and you of course) then in no way are you a bad mum.

Go for it and enjoy! xx

[Lisa1983]

He is actually my step-son and i'm only 10 years older than him. I married his dad when i was 17 and he was 7, he's only known me as his mum and my parents as his step parents. He urges me to go as he wants me to do good in life as i'm still young myself.