I know this is the wrong section but I need a quick response

[dinkleboo]

My partners family hated me at the beginning of our relationship purely for the fact that I had a child, however a year into the relationship and they decided they were ready to meet me, minus my child, 6 months after that they were ready to meet my son. I have gone along with it purely for my partners sake, but if im honest I dont like them, and cant forget some of the nasty comments that have been made, to cut a long story short, I have declined a few offers of going round there, and particpated in some of there gatherings. Today is the mums birthday and im expected to go round there and be all smiles n like, I dont want to go, I know my partner is goin to get offended if I say I dont want to go, there is a family wedding next week and the thought of enduring a day and night with them all, fills me with dread, so I dont want to put myself through further misery today, can anyone think of a good excuse????

[China Doll]

You love your partner, it's one day, pull your socks up and get it over with.

[dinkleboo]

Im trying to thnk that way china, but im getting in a bad mood at the thought of it :o(

[China Doll]

Swallow then.

It means something to someone you care about and it is ONE day. If you had to do it every week then I'd have more sympathy. (If I'd had more coffee I'd probably have more sympathy in truth). If you make it a negative thing then it will be a bad day. If you go in anticipating some free food and drink then it puts an entirely different spin on it.

[Sqad]

Just say to your partner........"I am not going"

[dinkleboo]

I know your right china, just looks like im gonna have to endure a day of bullshit chit chat....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! lol

Sqad, ive done that in the past and my partner really gets offended!!!!

[pericat]

Putting the nasty comments in the past what are they like with you now?

[Sqad]

dinkle....so, he will have to be offended. Life isn't always easy and just play the cards that you are dealt.........crap cards re. his family so.................."I am NOT going"

The ball is then in his court.

They will be "slaggiing you off" whether you go or not.........don't give them the pleasure to do it in front of you.

[cazzz1975]

I know you dont like them but if you want a good long term relationship with their son its better to learn to get on with them, they are going to be there for a long time, forget the past and focus on making the future good. you may even surprise yourself.

[NoMercy]

I'm sorry to ask, but has you partner ever stood up for you when they've treated you badly?

[dinkleboo]

pericat, they are ok, but I know false behaviour when I see it, theres no depth to any of the conversations, and they are only doing it for him,as I am

Sqad, I do tend to have the same attitude as you, I dont ike pretending

Cazz, thats exactly what my parents say!!

nomercy, yes he has stood up for me, big time

Thanks everyone x

[Sqad]

dingle....perhaps I have been too hasty. GO, at least they don't pretend to like you.

Sqad's philosophy......." Nice people make me nervous, as you never know what they are REALLY thinking"

You now what THEY are thinking so GO.

[mallam]

The question is how much real damage have they done to you and/or your partner himself? There is evidence enough of damage to you at any rate from the way you find it penal servitude to go near them. It is not even a matter of forgiveness: you don't give the impression that you are unforgiving, but even if you have forgiven them they obviously still cause you pain. I think you partner should consider whether however well he has stood up for you in the past it will ever salve that pain, and whether he really wants to subject you to it. Even 'being filled with dread' at the prospect of it means your mental health is already compromised.

I personally would try to at least distance myself from them and preferably/eventually sever diplomatic relations (that's aoll they seem to be - diplomatic), but don't let this lead to silly declarations of "it's either me or them".

So difficult to know what to do, isn't it? And we on here have been full of both internal and external contradictions!

[dinkleboo]

Good morning mallam, thankyou for your answer, a lot of degrading things were said about me before they even could bring themseves to meet me, so they were basically passing judgement on someone they didnt even know, I am a respectable person and a good mum, but they spoke about me as if I were filth, and I just cant forget it, normally I wouldnt be the type to bare grudges, but with them I do, they did cause us a lot of problems, and t be insuted to the degree that they were doing is unforgivable in my eyes.

I am a chatty freindly approachable human being, and the thought of listening to there meaningless, shallow chat, just fills me with dread, I still dont know what im going to do....x

[dothawkes31]

Go, get drunk, tell them you used to be a prozzie and have done time, offer them some crack, nick their silver and ask them as you leave have you met with their expectations.

[mallam]

I do sympathize. I see I was right about you not being the type to bear grudges. You are probably more honest that I usually succeed in being in admitting that in this case you do. I still don't think that means you havent forgiven them. If I were as honest as you i would admit that forgiveness is a doddle, but grudges are more deep-seated. So forgive yourself for bearing one!

[caththecrazy]

If they were passing judgement on you before you met your guy must have told you or how would you know.

I'd go and make conversation along the lines of some peole judge others before they even meet them etc etc = don't you think that's shallow?just so they know you've been told .... or say is your son adopted only I wondered how he can be so lovely having you as his family - I told my mother in law that once - she wasn't happy but hey ho

Good Luck whatever you decide

[mallam]

lol, cath. I do wish I had asked my mother (NOT the in-law one) "Was I adopted? Only I wondered how I could be so lovely having you as my family?"