what to do.. what to do............

[sara3]

okay, I'm going to waffle on a bit about an old problem. please bear with me ;o)

idiot at work. we fell out many times and I always smoothed things over to keep the peace, and for the sake of them team. 2 years ago he blew a gasket and screamed in my face that he "just didn't like me" and I was very upset. we have barely spoken since, only about work issues and as briefly as possible.

I've now been asked (again, by my boss and a colleague) to let it go, and start talking to him again. I think he should have apologised 2 years ago for being an ar5e. I'm not interested in being nice to him and would only be doing this for the sake of the team, but I really do despise him. very much!

what do you think?

[Sachs]

........ to him sara x

[boxtops]

Sounds as if there ought to be some sort of mediation here where you both sit round the table with a third party and agreed how you are both going to behave with each other in future? I hope they've asked the other guy the same thing, and are not just asking you about this - that would be a bit one-sided!

[zzxxee]

i think you should clear the air this is no way to work in a hostile environment, tell him calmly why he upset you so much and you want to resolve your differences at least your bosses will see your the one being resonable , if it goes tits up his fault not yours chick ...you have nothing to loose !!

[sara3]

hi Sachs x I agree but am feeling the pressure from the others :o/

boxtops, apparently someone spoke to him and he would like to "move forward", but doesn't know what to do. I feel very strongly that after 2 years with no apology, he could have thought of something all by himself.

[sara3]

zzxxee.. hi x

I know, it's horrible. last year he made a top rank complaint about other members of staff, which ended up with 2 people being disciplined. he went directly to a Gov't Minister, when he could have done it through our line management. he's just so horrible. he also tried to implicate me in this complaint.

[zzxxee]

well then the person he spoke to about moving forward would be an ideal mediator !!!! as i said you really do have nothing to loose !!!!

[sara3]

NK, bugger off! he declared his "feelings" for me a few years ago, although I think we can safely say he doesn't feel the same now!

zzxxee, morally you are right, but his behaviour in the past has been appalling. he's stirred up all kinds of trouble for me, and.. I don't know. I feel like I'm being childish but I really don't want to talk to him.

[cupid04]

find a new and better job if possible and on your last day put laxatives in his drink!

[zzxxee]

i can apprechiate its difficult for you non of us like confrontation , the way i see it is you have the following choices
1....ignore the situation and carry on as you have been for the last two years if he were to get you fired he would of done so by now.
2....like i said mediation in a controlled environment to clear the air
3....find a new job call him a Finance Specialist and leave with your head held high !!!!!

[zzxxee]

grr it should be call him a w@nker not a finance specialist !!!!

[sara3]

Professor_yafel, I go to work to work, and this has not affected mine or anyone else's output, although I appreciate that it affects the work atmosphere. I continue to do my job in a professional manner and as I said in my original post, we discuss work issues when that is necessary.

I'm not some pathetic weeping woman, and I'm certainly not looking for sympathy. I don't do shouting.

btw, you seem to have a problem with your space-bar. thank you for your opinion.

[sara3]

cupid, thanks but it's more than just a job so I'm not about to leave. sadly, neither is he!

zzxxee, good call! it's option 1 or 2, and I don't know what to do.

I think it would have been a decent gesture for him to have done something by now.

[zzxxee]

well i think i would carry on as you have been but when it really becomes bad then you really must confront him but the choice is yours chick xxxx

[sara3]

thank you zzxxee, that's kind of how I feel right now. it probably won't get worse, but I know it's not great. thanks xx

[brenda]

Sara -- you have been given a lot of sound advice by others and you may think it wise to follow it. However for me personally, I would never be able to resume an amicable situation with a work associate who has invaded my space and shouted as you say in my face, who has not the good grace to say sorry.
As far as this person is concerned I would have to keep all contact on a business like footing , discussing relevant work issues when appropriate, but for general chit chat with this person for me nada,forever, until he wises up and makes an apology.
I do not think this issue affects the team in any way after all you are all supposed to be working , not having a social night out together.

[Riss]

Despise him on the inside,outwardly make all the right noises.

[sara3]

Professor_yafel, you seem a bit jumpy to me. I didn't say I was offended but you have obviously chosen to misinterpret my original post. and I wasn't looking for people to agree with me.. why would I ask for opinions otherwise? anyway, you won't be here for long so I thank you (again, because I am polite like that) for your views, and goodbye. until next time, and all that.

brenda, thank you. I find it hard to deal with someone who can not control their temper and I agree.. I don't want to get back on chit-chat terms with him. I just don't see it working, and can't face the "next time" that would probably come. thanks x