meeting new people nerves...

[pdust]

I've always been nervous when meeting new people. I even get nervous sometimes going to see people I know (eg... an online friend who i knew for years.. we met up quite a few times but even the last visit i had i was sooooo nervous about it) it doesnt matter if its formal or not, ive gone all over the place by myself to see bands and even though i love the gig scene i was still nervous about everything. I have always had to force myself to go anywhere new though ive usually have had a good time when i got there. About half the time ive had a couple of drinks to take the edge of the nerves but obviously im not going to do that now.... Its not just the place im going and meeting new people, its the getting there and getting back that drives me nuts too...

Anyway Im going to a talk/group type thing and I am a bit nervous. I find it loads easier to chat to new people one on one and in groups i tend to clam up or occasionally rabbit on like a loony. Its in a town im not familiar with, im going on my own, i have worked out how to get there and back but the thought of going through the door when i get there is filling me with horror lol...

is anyone else like this? what do you do to get over the nervousness? I dont wanna go and look a prat stood in a corner with a panic stricken look on my face lol........

[cazzz1975]

I rabbit like a loony and sweat frantically :)

[smart1]

I have suffered similarly in the past, but now have a 'technique' - just imagine yourself as someone you admire - I don't know who you admire, but say you imagine yourself as Marilyn Monroe, and think how she would make the entrance.

[jackthehat]

<<<Its in a town im not familiar with, im going on my own, i have worked out how to get there and back>>>

Are you sure?
You're not going by bus are you? LoL :op

I'm always like this. I always prepare well....but, I try never to consider anything beyond the 'next' five minutes. I won't entertain thinking beyond the very next thing I have to do.
I arrive. I introduce myself to the correct people (I have already familiarised myself with their details). I go to where I am directed. I sort through my 'stuff' and finally I do what I have to do. But I don't panic, because I prepared well, and I know that I know what and how to do whatever it is...

(Does that sound too mad?) :o)

[China Doll]

No, fortunately have never suffered from this problem but I gather it's pretty common so I think maybe just try and consider that there will be loads of people feeling just as nervous as you and you're not alone. Either that or just walk in, fart really loudly and then after that things can only get better :c)

[pdust]

thanks everyone... i would say im glad its not just me but im not :(

thats a good idea smart but im more wanting to slink in rather than make an entrance ... my entrance is more likely to be mr bean stylee than marilyn monroe lol

ive always forced myself to go wrecky, many many times i have wanted to bow out but i get even more nervous that if i do that i will end up not going anywhere....

lol jack.. yeah im going by bus :s ... well 2 buses and taxi there and the safe easy option of a taxi from the place back home as it will be a bit late when its finished.... and no that doesnt sound mad.. thats exactly what i need to do but i cant (not thinking beyond the next 5 mins) but i cant... the entire evening is flashing in front of my eyes with me doing enough guffs to keep their coffee breaks going for a month lol

speaking of guffs... *Gigglesplurt* china!!!

[ummmm]

I'm like that...and I'd probably talk myself out of going.

[ummmm]

It's horrible. I'm absolutely fine when I have OH with me, he'd talk to anyone!

[mccfluff]

really, ginge talk to anyone noooooooo

i just grit my teeth and get it over with, i'm so used to getting lost now it doens;t bother me anymore i just roll with it :-)

[Old_Geezer]

I'm not good at meeting folk either. At certain times of my life I've had to just go and meet new people or elect to be a hermit, so I take a deep breath and try to play a part. To an extent it seems to work, as once the strangers are know one gradually gets used to them and feel more comfortable.

I guess this trait makes me a little unsociable but most of the time I am ok with that. When I force myself to meet folk I'm playing a part that isn't really me, regardless of quips about being outside the comfort zone and all that.

And maybe it is unfortunate I am more often the listener in a large group than the one who actually has found something to talk about, and can do so without feeling they're making a fool of themselves, but that's just the way it is. Net forums are so much easier to cope with ;-)

But I do see a nasty trend for employers to expect everyone to be eminently sociable rather than allow folks to play to their strengths, but maybe that's a side issue.

Back to the original question, yes I play a part as if I were an actor, I try not to think about what I'm doing, and occasionally remind myself most folk are too concerned about how they are coming across than to worry too much about how I look. And once I know them it's less of a problem anyway.

[Gavmacp]

Dear pdust,
Try a technique called Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT. Video on YouTube but recommend finding someone that practices it.
This worked for me!
Love,
Gavin

[ummmm]

Should I say Ginge will try and annoy anyone!! lol

[sunny-dave]

If it's any help to any one currently struggling with this, in my experience it gets better as you get older.

In my 20s I had a ghastly period when it was all I could do to go to work (even with people I already knew) - the 'fight or flight' demons had me pretty severely in their grip.

Constant "just bloody do it" effort eventually paid off - and now I'll go anywhere, see anyone without batting an eyelid.

Good luck pdust (and everyone else) - don't give up :-)

[pdust]

thanks for replying everyone

you pretty much described me there oldgeezer... speaking of employers you reminded me of something my old employers used to do sometimes... they made us do role play...... that was a nightmare!!!

thanks for that gavin and thanks for the good luck dave :)

Ive already chickened out. Its freezing, raining, will cost me about £26 in fares to get there and back, i will have to set off before 6 and not be back until after 9 for an hour talk and much as i would love to go i think i will wait until summer when its warm and light at night :)

[rockyracoon]

I used to be like this but as the kids started getting a bit older, I thought, I can't encourage confidence in them if they don't see it in me. It was hard at first and I forced myself into situations I would never have done before, I can still get a bit nervous but I'm loads better than I used to be.

[sunny-dave]

... one of the best tips I ever got (actually about travelling alone on trains etc) was to carry a camera and concentrate on taking good pictures - the brain can't concentrate on that & panic at the same time ...

[LoftyLottie]

I'll go anywhere, talk to anyone and enjoy meeting the challenge of anything new. I actually love going to places on my own. From my teens I travelled alone in Europe and had some lovely adventures.

Why then am I such an anxious worrier about little things - I don't understand myself?

pdust, my Mum always used to tell me not to worry a bit about what people think of me, because most of the times people don't even notice you ar, what you wear, or what you are saying or doing because they are too occupied with themselves.

I hope it goes OK for you. (Sometimes a glass of wine or two can help!)

Good luck.