i relented, but have i done the right thing?

[OLIVIA26]

ok, so i sent my ex a message last night saying PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN, and i will not contact you. he replied i would like friendship, but i know that can never be whilst there are feelings on both sides. hes wearing me down and its about time i took control of my life, so yes i responded to a text but within 24 hours realised i'd done the wrong thing. He's destroying me, i've dropped a substantial amount in weight and am very quiet, (i usually am bubbly) we have no children or ties together so i don't believe we can be friends whilst feelings are involved because how can we move on with our lives? he replied he was disappointed and he hoped i could get beyond it someday soon. ( i know hes still got feelings for me because he told me he cant get me off his mind. I've blocked his no. but realise there are ways he can get around this ie using anothers phone, coming to my house etc. im frightened now i've taken 100% control he may get nasty??he's the controlling type. i feel cruel for saying dont contact me because im not usually so blunt, i dont like being unkind to people. please reassure me i've done the right thing? xx

[milliezoe]

Sounds to me you have made the right decision you have taken control and he does not like it could I suggest that maybe you get someone a friend or relative to come and stay with you for a while or maybe you go and stay with them he will get the message one day and move on take care god bless you

[OLIVIA26]

thankyou milliezoe, i'd like to go away but unfortunately finances won't allow it. my mum is coming to stay with me at night. i work 3 days in the week (i have a toddler) so on the days im not working i plan to get myself out, just incase he comes around(he doesn't work) i know when 'controllers' feel out of control we can't predict what they'll do when they feel out of control, although i don't ever believe he'd be violent.thankyou for you're reassurance that i've done the right thing. i appreciate it very much :) x

[China Doll]

Why would he randomly get nasty? He's already responded saying it's a shame and that's that. Personally I think you're winding yourself up way too much and have been doing so for some time.

You've blocked his number, job done. Now get on with living.

[OLIVIA26]

because i've seen him turn china doll, i'm pretty sure he won't get nasty, but just a little bit apprehensive. Its early days yet, so i don't doubt he's calm, but he could decide to turn just because i've taken control. I agree job done. unfortunately i am the anxious 'what if' type. thanks anyway. :)

[bigfoot3000]

What is it with all these men/women that can't take rejection? If a person doesn't want to know then surely they need to understand that you cant force a person to love/stay with you? Have all these people got an unhealthy need to control others through a lack in their own self esteem, or is it something else?
Olivia if this guy is a person that is likely to get nasty then maybe now is the time to go to the police station and tell them your fears so that if anything happens they have documented evidence of your fears. How bad is this guy potentially likely to get?

[sara3]

remember this.. "the one who cares the least has all the power"

[jackthehat]

^ oooh, that's profound, sara..........:o)
You're late on parade on the 'witches' thread in CB.........me 'n B00 are waiting !!

[bigfoot3000]

Not necessarily sara3, the one that cares the most but knows the relationship still has to end surely is the strongest?

[OLIVIA26]

no i don't need to go to the police, i dont think he'd ever harm me........ever. I think i care the most but know it has to end. i feel so very very upset at the mo, so please don't post any harsh comments. He would never be unkind to me and i feel i've spat in the face of friendship. please tell me it gets better from here, my laptop is drenched in tears! how pathetic a being i am. sorry peeps

[jno]

you did the right thing telling him not to contact you again; it means that if he does so he's likely to be legally harassing you, which puts you in a position of strength. Keep a copy of the message just in case.

You can't stop him thinking about you (if he is really doing so); but you can stop yourself thinking about him, and now is a good time to start.

[bigfoot3000]

Apologies if I upset you olivia.

[OLIVIA26]

no worries bigfoot3000, i'm just quite sensitive at the moment. many apologies for my weakness, x

[bigfoot3000]

Stray strong through this time of rough seas and it will get easier as time goes on.

[milliezoe]

Thinking of you keep strong all will be well I am sure god bless you

[OLIVIA26]

thankyou so very much x

[China Doll]

'...i'm pretty sure he won't get nasty, but just a little bit apprehensive. Its early days yet, so i don't doubt he's calm, but he could decide to turn just because i've taken control...'

I doubt he (or indeed any man) would put that level of thought in to 'turning,' it's just not the way they think. You might not want harsh comments but it's kind of hard to shake sense in to you through a screen. All the above are your comments, your thoughts and they're the same comments and thoughts you've had for a while now. Your mind is on a loop that you need to break, as I said before, it seems to me YOU'RE winding yourself up way more than he is.

You need to find something else to focus on other than your continued suffering over this chap... Feeling sad a relationship has ended is one thing, constantly winding yourself up so you're always on edge and over analysing everything you're doing is really quite another set of problems.

I don't think your posts looking for reassurance are helping you, I think they're feeding in to your mindset. Perhaps just joining in the general chat on CB would be more benneficial to you in the long run.

[boxtops]

Keep with it, olivia - maybe not everyone answering you this time saw your post last week and the dilemma you were going through them. You are in no way being cruel to this bloke, you are starting to take control of your own life again - and it is YOUR life not his. Look after yourself, that's the important thing although it's easier said that done, I know. If you wanted to talk, people like Relate are there for you, not everyone realises that they do a lot more than marriage guidance, they can be really helpful and supportive is all sorts of situations.

[milliezoe]

How are you today ?

[OLIVIA26]

hi guys, especially milliezoe, im ok thanks for asking :) i was having a hard time on the day i posted my question. My daughter had been unwell and i was exhausted both mentally and physically (im not looking for sympathy) on the day following my post i received a text from the ex~on a different no. saying basically saying he knows our lives are in different places but he's lying on his bed smelling my perfume wanting me to know what a massive void i'd left in his life and that he was hurting but he had no one to talk to about it and thats why he text me to relieve his pain. that he knows i dont want to receive this text but i am special and he feels he will miss me forever and he wants me to know he adores me. ...I didn't respond, neither do i intend to. i realise its my mental health thats more important and he quite clearly didn't respect my wishes for no contact. its now been 24hours since i last heard from him, so maybe its soaked in. Im gaining a little strength day by day and strongly believe he doesn't want me in control. Well, i am, for me. I'm studying aswell as working and my tutor has told me she thinks my quality of work is excellent so i should be qualified sooner rather than later which is positive. I intend to focus on my girl and studies despite my heartache. I wish my ex well, but hopefully being out of the relationship i'll gain some weight and i'll find my sense of humour again! thankyou once again peeps for your encouraging comments.x

[milliezoe]

Great to hear from you glad things are going well for you keep up the studies and take care of yourself god bless you